Me: Hey dude, how's it going
Him: Hey man...you know, you look...different today.
Me: Really? How?
Him: Don't know, you just look handsome you know...Not that you don't look handsome normally! Just more so, I don't know lol
This is how the first conversation of my day with him started. He was holding my shoulders all the way through and kinda stroked the front of my hoodie once when he was talking. He was being serious as well, no messing around until just after, I've just told you the serious bit. I'm probably reading too much into it, but I REALLY like this guy. You guys are probably gonna think I'm a naive little shite but, when I look in his eyes, and he looks back, I can feel something there. Like a yearning between us. Something that I've never felt with anyone before. Like ANYONE. Of either gender. And it's not just best friend-ness because I don't have this with any of my brilliant friends. It's so bizarre, I can't describe it.
I can't tell you guys how much I like this guy. I don't think I've ever liked someone this much before. It's worse because I feel like it's mutual but there's nothing I feel like I can do about it! I've had some good ideas thrown my way by some really helpful people on the blog and in my private life but, with all the stuff that could go wrong, I don't want to risk it;
1) He could out me if he gets too scared or angry that I thought he might be interested. REALLY don't want that.
2) Could ruin our friendship which is brilliant.
3) Could just create awkwardness which would lead to other people in our friendship group asking too many questions.
Also, this is gonna so shitty and stupid and naive and bluergh and I feel like a twat for asking it but, what does being in love feel like? People always say you'll just know. What the SHIT does that mean? I have no idea. I'm as cold as stone when it comes to emotions usually so help me out here. And I'm sorry that the blog has kind of turned into an agony aunt heaven but yeah, desperate times call for desperate measures. Much love dudes, stay cool xx
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ReplyDeleteSorry for deleting but I'm making a lot of typo errors.
ReplyDeleteYou two should watch some porn together. It sounds like a real stalemate and neither one of you want to make the first move. Maybe watching some porn will make you both go over the edge.
ReplyDeleteIf this guy is really your friend it seems to me if you came out to him that would be the ultimate test of your friendship. He doesn't sound like the type of person who would betray you if I'm reading this correctly. It's up to you eventually but sooner or later your gonna have to come out of that closet.
As far as love is concerned for me it was always that first "spark" of physical attraction. Then common intersts you both have and just a general sense of well being around that person. The most important thing to me was finding that one person that doesn't want to change you or you feel you have to change yourself for them. I met and knew a lot of people like that and it never works.
These are just a few of my thoughts on this subject. I'm no expert by no means but the older you get the more you learn belive me.
Haha no worries man.
ReplyDeleteThis could go so wrong though couldn't it? I guess I'll never be certain if he is up for something or not. I'll see what I think soon. :)
Sounds to me like you're in love.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this and it seems to me the best thing you could do for starters is just let him know in no uncertain terms you're queer. BUT, you don't need to be totally up front about it right away.
I'm not talking about making joking style comments. I'd start out just dropping serious, obvious clues. If he's coming over be sure and have gay.com, or some other queer web site on the computer when he comes inside. Don't say anything or make a big deal out of it. Just try and make sure he sees it and knows you were doing something there.
Anything you can do to let him see you're queer without bringing it up, I'd say do it, as long as it's the two of you alone. That way he shouldn't feel threatened.
About the only thing you might say, is if he obviously notices it, like you wearing a rainbow bracelet or some such, would be something like, "This is just between you and me, right?".
If it's totally obvious to him you're queer and he still hangs around and your eyes still lock on each other, I'd say you're most of the way there. If he starts talking to you about it in a non- hostile way, I'd say you're almost all the way there.
You said you can feel something when you look into each others eyes. That's a common thing most queer folks say identifies another queer: Being able to keep eye contact, and it sounds to me like you've gotten a ways beyond that.
Let him know you're queer but, for now, let him make the first move towards you two becoming a couple.
My latest thoughts on this:
ReplyDeleteHow physical are you two? You mentioned something about him feeling at ease touching you, didn't you?
I was thinking maybe you should try to be more physical with him. Reach behind him and rub his back and shoulders every now and then. If you ever watch TV together, try sitting closer and closer to him and see if he's bothered by you sitting right next to him.
If he seems ok with that, try rubbing his thigh once or twice while you're sitting next to him. If he doesn't seem to mind that, try leaving your hand on his thigh after you're done rubbing him.
Get him used to regular physical contact with you. That could eventually lead to hugging and maybe your first kiss if he gets completely used to the body contact.
In my opinion you described love in the third paragraph bud. I have the same feelings for my best mate. I am sure he feels the same but does not want the stigma of being known as gay or at the very least Bi
ReplyDeleteDave