Woke up this morning with a text from Michael (i think, i've deleted his number but it looked like his txting style) saying how he's upset a bit but wishes me the best. Didn't reply. So he's closed down officially now.
Went to sex clinic this morning. Throat swabs, urine sample, blood test, rectal swab; done. Nurse also checked my balls and cock out cos I told her about this rash I've had on the skin on my thigh that rubs with my ballsack. It's a sweat rash (thank god.), crotch rot, whatever you want to call it, so i've got some cream for that. Got to go back soon at some point to have another test because the incident with scruffdude won't come up on the results because it's too recent, and to get my test results.
Here is where I start to stress a bit; on the way back, Dad tells me that my mum is thinking of going to the fucking POLICE about these blokes, because she thinks I've been groomed and that their intentions with me were not healthy.
Right, I understand her concern, but it was MY decision to do all those things; regardless of their intentions, good or bad, I ultimatley made the choice to do them. Not anyone else. She still clearly views me as a child and not an independent thinking adult.
Best friend said that regardless of my independent thought, it is still wrong for them to have done stuff with someone so young so that's why Mother is thinking about it. Mum has agreed though, apparently, not to do anything unless my dad agrees with her because he doesn't think it's in my best interests to drag me into some legal battle and have to give evidence and shit when I have exams and stuff to think of. He's thinking of ME; she's thinking of herself, and she feels like SHE'S been wronged by these blokes who've slept with me.
Right now, all I want is to just move on from it. It's all been aired and laid out to dry, and now I just want to move on from it. But I can't do that if I have this black cloud lingering over me of "Will she tell? Will she not?". And it's far too delicate a situation for me to ask her just yet, so I might just leave her be and see what occurs. At any rate, if the police get involved, I just won't give any information against the men I've been with. Simple.
In other news, felt Crush's cock again today. Twice. Rubbed it against my back through his pants. I'm so sure, and at the same time, so unsure of it I have no idea what the fuck to do. I do want to do something though. Just needs to be a good time and place. More thinking to be done.
Talk to you all soon, much love amigos!
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