Coming off the sites. What I want and what they can provide are two different things now. I want love, or something similar. Not a shag and goodbye. Just realised what a sad lonely old fucker I am that, at my age, I'm on these sites; I wonder why there's barely any other 18 year old's on them. I don't know whether I want to know why tbh, it might reveal something about me.
I'm sick of leading a bloody double life as well. I'm sick of homosexuality being separate from the rest of my life; it should just be there with no issues.
I want to move to the other side of the fucking Earth, where no one knows who I am, and I can just start again, in a friendly environment I want to be in. Part of me thinks it's cowardly, to run away from problems I might have. But these are ones I can't solve on my own. I can't change the opinions of 90% of a community alone. So why try, only to set myself up for a fall?
Guess this was probably brought on by Scruffdude on Thurs night talking about his loved ones. Sure he's in turmoil about it, but at least he's got love. I'd kill to have something anywhere near like what he has with his man. God I'm depressive today. Sorry gents, I'll try and pick myself up for tomorrow. Hope you're all safe, many thoughts to Japan, it's just horrific. Much love xx
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