Saturday 26 April 2014

BACK...in a new place.

Well this is familiar!

Hello to any poor souls who may still be following - here I am again!
I've just gone through a break-up - before anybody goes thinking I'm going to be blubbing all over the place...not gonna happen! - and I wanted to restart this blog. In all honesty, I'm really quite proud of it - I'm not proud of the things I've documented within it, but the fact I have done, and it's still here to remind me of those times and how far I've come is important to me. And I want to get back involved with this community! I've missed you guys, and the online blogging world, so here I am again.

However, it's not going to be on Blogspot.
The format just doesn't work for me anymore and, to be honest, I find the aesthetic of Tumblr much nicer and easier to use. I'll be sad to lose the comment section of Blogger, but i'll include an ask box for you guys to use if you wish to, and reblogging is always a way to comment too.

So a new life for this blog is starting over at:

http://homoflexiblelife.tumblr.com/



and I would love it if you want to join the party over there. I'll be posting pictures that I find that I think are fucking cute, writing some opinion posts, and generally informing you about my love/sex life alongside some sexual fantasies (what else is the Internet for?)

please feel free to comment etc, but this is most likely going to be the last post of Homoflexible Life's Blogger profile, so come on over and join the party on Tumblr, if that floats your boat.

Would love to see you guys there,

signing out, with love and lust,

Joey x

Monday 7 January 2013

A Few Important Words

Wow. It's very surreal being back on this blog.
A lot has changed since I last posted in February, nearly 10 months ago now, bloody hell.

Almost everything about my life - my outlook, my beliefs, my attitudes, my goals - has changed beyond measure. So much has happened and the life that this blog documents is testament and scripture of a past me.
So what's happened, you may ask.
I'm still at university, loving every second of it - even the work. I know what I want to do afterwards, I have some tentative plans for the future.
I have a solid group of friends with mutual interests, and a smaller group of very close mates, all of whom I'm very grateful for. My family is still around, and still love very much - we're still slightly dsyfunctional, but nobody's perfect.
And I've got a partner. Early days, around about 6 months, but he makes me happier than anyone ever has. We met quite normally through a mutual social interest (not hooking up for sex online or cruising), and we've gone from strength to strength.
He's my absolute rock, and I am so unbelievably lucky to have landed someone who understands me so vividly and completley. We have very similar experiences with meeting up with people online - his experiences have scarred him, and it's only through this mutual understanding that we have really come to understand what we went through.
As young gay males, we were failed by society, and left lonely and vulnerable. Our journey to online cruising sites was unremarkable - what other choice did we have? Anyone who thinks counselling or 'youth groups' for young gay people are helpful fail to grasp that those sorts of facilities shouldn't even be necessary.
I'll never forget how lonely I was, how desperate I was. I was utterly devoid of hope.
I never thought a day would arrive when I could say that I was deeply in love with another person who loves me just the same, and loves me for me. Not because I'll stick my arse in the air and take it like a man.

My partner and I have saved each other from the hollow, dangerous and seedy crack of our culture, and I will never be able to express my gratitude.

So. This is my plea.

Young gay boys/males/youths. If you are curious, if you're scared, if you're horny; if you think you are lonely, if you think you are desperate, if you think that meeting up with older men online will help you discover yourself - it is not the way.
I can't deny that my experiences in this blog have shaped me as a person indefinitely, but I regret them deeply, and it fills me with the most bleak form of despair I have ever felt that other young gay people are going through the exact thought process that I did, and will inevitably travel along the same routes I did, and make the same mistakes I did, and that sickens me.
I can only say what my mother said to me when she found out I'd been hooking up with men from the internet and let them have sex with me:
Don't prostitute yourself or your body. You are worth so much more than that. Just think about their intentions; what kind of man would want to have sex with a teenage boy? Think about it. When you're a middle-aged man, will YOU want to have sex with teenagers like yourself, even when they confess to being underage like you have done to some of them?

Of course, my mind filled this gap with the explanation: It's just a kink. I get off over older guys. And they get off over younger guys.

Back then I never thought to go deeper with this explanation. And now I have.
 Everytime I went on a meet, if the man was much older than me, I felt I somehow possessed some kind of power; an equality of some sorts, between myself, a socially starved and lonely teen, and this mysterious older gay man who was attracted to me, and desired me. This desire of his empowered me, and I thought I was immortal and protected because of it.
And then I flip the coin. WHY would an older gentleman be attracted to younger guys?
Well, youth. It's attractive, everyone wants to be young. 
The older man has been young once. He has experienced it. He knows what it is like to be socially starved and forever battling his emotions and his sexuality. He knows how tough it is. In all likelihood, it's probably unlikely that he got the chance to do as much sexual exploration, or the freedom to do so, when he was a teenager. In this sense, we, as young people, are LUCKY to have the oppurtunity to be fuck, or be fucked, by said older gentleman. This grants him power. He is bestowing some kind of knowledge unto us.
And it's a power trip. Older knows all, younger knows nothing. Therefore older has command and power, and younger deludes himself into false sense of security. Older realises this, and STILL takes advantage of younger and fucks, and is fucked, and sucks, and is sucked, and without even blinking, assaults that young person. Neither younger or older may realise this until much later, or even ever. But I'm glad I have. And I'm glad that I have left the sites behind and joined the real world.


There's so much more that could be said, but this topic always tires and upsets me now.

My final words are this.

Young people, respect yourself. We all have some much to give, and ALL of it is precious. Don't give any of it to just anyone. Waiting is a skill, but one worth developing. And things will come along when you least expect them to. Get yourself happy, and more happiness will come along, trust me.

If you've had sex with a young person recently, and you're older than them, think on what I've said, and what you do in the future.

I don't know what else to say. It's the reason I came back to this blog, to atone and clean and close off this old wound, but there's so much to be said.

I don't know, talk amongst yourselves. 
And there is light at the end of the tunnel - I am so happy with my life now - beyond compare with 12 months ago. 

 and Thank God x     

Wednesday 15 February 2012

Checking In

Well hello there internet! It's been a while.
Yeah, I dropped off the map suddenly, never said a word. Sorry about that.
I reckoned it was time for me to leave the blog behind, and drop the past and all its shit - those who've been reading back will understand why I wanted to do this.
However, I'm alive, well, healthy, all that jazz, still single though.
At university and fucking loving it. Not quite out of the closet yet, but I've got an arm and a leg out there so some people know hah!
Lots has happened since my last post in July, I think it was? But now isn't the time for it.
Just thought I'd dropped by and see if anything changed.
And thank you very much for anyone who's emailed/twittered me praising the blog; it's been a labour of love really and I'm all gooey inside thinking that people have still been regularly reading it in my absence, so thanks guys, YOU DA BEST.
Peace out daddylovers. Keep it real x

Tuesday 5 July 2011

Oppurtunity Revoked and Progression Halted - Fuck!

So the situation with this girl who I thought still liked me and I was thinking of giving it a go has flown by; she's back with her donkey-dicked guy and all of our friends have made it MEGA awkward between us so there's no chance basically lol. I know that she liked me Christmas-ish time but I didn't do anything about it. Next time I'll have to be more on the money and ready for an encounter haha! Also she's not into me anymore for whatever reason but she just isn't. I'm getting vibes haha which is GREAT. hah!

Also my oppurtunity to be a bit more free with myself is, well, gone ahah. I've found out this bitchy little shit of a girl is doing the same thing I'm doing in summer. I'll have to see whether I have to spend any time with her but I still don't like the idea that there'll be someone there who knows me you know? Unnerves me that she might find out things about me that my best friends back home don't even know. And I know that you might say "well you'll be with complete strangers anyway so what difference does it make?". It's different with strangers, I don't know why but I'd rather a stranger know my true sexuality than this person who I vaguely know.
Yep I'm a headcase, I know. You wouldn't be reading otherwise haha, enjoy the week fellas, much love.x

Monday 4 July 2011

Myriad

 Right, so this is a bit of a myriad of a post (hence le title). Let's start off chronologically.

1) I'm not sure if I told you guys that I started texting Relationshippyguy. He texted me first saying he was free for a week and if I fancied seeing him to catch up (and obviously get down and dirty). And I did really want to. But he's still with his boyfriend. And of course, moral dilemma again. I'd feel shit if it was me that got cheated on etc. I DID think of a rather brilliant solution; get him to persuade his boyfriend to have a threesome with me. I get sex, they can stay together, perfect. He wasn't affected by it so we've left, just friends in contact now.

2) Crushdude has left the country for seven weeks abroad. It's awful. I really miss him. I see a map and I automatically scan to the country where he is and get sad about how far away he is. I feel like his mother, worrying about him. Very annoyed and angsty and upset about it all but seven weeks will hopefully be enough time to push him out of my mind. Difficult.

3) Started texting Scruffman a few days ago and we've been getting along really well like we always have. Talked about getting together on Thursday to do the dirty. I felt bad about the trust thing with my parents and they REALLY wouldn't be happy with his age. So we've toned it down to just lunch which I'm much happier with. But I still feel guilty about my fucking parents and they really won't want me to see him, I know it. My mother will get all bitchy and cold on me about it and ignore me for a few days until she gets her way as usual. My dad just won't be happy with it. And they won't trust me enough to believe that it'll just be lunch, which it will be. So I'm really messed up about that and don't know how to approach them or tell them about it, cos I do want to see him again and we're good friends now.