Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Also my oppurtunity to be a bit more free with myself is, well, gone ahah. I've found out this bitchy little shit of a girl is doing the same thing I'm doing in summer. I'll have to see whether I have to spend any time with her but I still don't like the idea that there'll be someone there who knows me you know? Unnerves me that she might find out things about me that my best friends back home don't even know. And I know that you might say "well you'll be with complete strangers anyway so what difference does it make?". It's different with strangers, I don't know why but I'd rather a stranger know my true sexuality than this person who I vaguely know.
Yep I'm a headcase, I know. You wouldn't be reading otherwise haha, enjoy the week fellas, much love.x
Monday, 4 July 2011
1) I'm not sure if I told you guys that I started texting Relationshippyguy. He texted me first saying he was free for a week and if I fancied seeing him to catch up (and obviously get down and dirty). And I did really want to. But he's still with his boyfriend. And of course, moral dilemma again. I'd feel shit if it was me that got cheated on etc. I DID think of a rather brilliant solution; get him to persuade his boyfriend to have a threesome with me. I get sex, they can stay together, perfect. He wasn't affected by it so we've left, just friends in contact now.
2) Crushdude has left the country for seven weeks abroad. It's awful. I really miss him. I see a map and I automatically scan to the country where he is and get sad about how far away he is. I feel like his mother, worrying about him. Very annoyed and angsty and upset about it all but seven weeks will hopefully be enough time to push him out of my mind. Difficult.
3) Started texting Scruffman a few days ago and we've been getting along really well like we always have. Talked about getting together on Thursday to do the dirty. I felt bad about the trust thing with my parents and they REALLY wouldn't be happy with his age. So we've toned it down to just lunch which I'm much happier with. But I still feel guilty about my fucking parents and they really won't want me to see him, I know it. My mother will get all bitchy and cold on me about it and ignore me for a few days until she gets her way as usual. My dad just won't be happy with it. And they won't trust me enough to believe that it'll just be lunch, which it will be. So I'm really messed up about that and don't know how to approach them or tell them about it, cos I do want to see him again and we're good friends now.