So Near Yet So Far Pt. 2

Here's Fred's comment that he tried to leave. I'll let you guys read it and I'll tell you what I think as when go through:-

From what you've written, I'd say the odds are your friend is at the very least homo curious. I'd say there's a good chance you could end up together as boyfriends. I wish haha

First of all, although I'm not sure how old you two are, the vast majority of guys I've known had their first male/female sex in their teens to their early twenties. If you two are older that that group, there's generally a reason for being hetero virgins. It certainly could be from not being sure of yourselves around women, but I'd think it more likely the interest just isn't there. We're both 18 and I'm 98% certain the reason he's a virgin still is because he doesn't know how to handle women; same reason as me really but that's beside the point lol. I'd like to hope it's because he's just not interested, because that IS the way it comes across sometimes. He's had REALLY hot women hit on him and he's just knocked them back which everyone found odd. He tells me that he doesn't find those specific women attractive but I know I'd find it hard not to, and I'm pretty much homo! lol!

Second, you say he's homophobic and always ridiculing gay people. There's a good chance guys like that are trying to hide their own homosexuality, otherwise they wouldn't always be making fun of other queers. It's been said, and I tend to agree, that those who are the loudest in attacking queers are often trying to hide the queer feelings they have. I agree with this, never been proved outright to me yet but it makes perfect sense.

As an aside, back when I went through basic training in the Army, there was one guy in our company that rumor had it was homo. There was another guy that relentlessly and publicly attacked him verbally for being queer. Later on in the training cycle on a free weekend most of the guys went out and partied it up. He came back to the barracks drunk and hopped into bed with the supposed queer guy and tried to make out with him.

You can imagine that story went around the barracks like wildfire. The guy could have died from embarrassment and I almost felt sorry for him. He never picked on the homo guy again after that episode. It just took some booze for the homo in him to come out. Awkward.

The question with your friend is to how to bring the queer out in him so he doesn't feel threatened and go further into the closet trying to hide it. Trouble is, I don't want to be trying to lure out something in him that might not exist. I feel like I need more proof he has some gay feelings.

I'd say the place to start is to let him know you're queer but you'll probably want to start out slowly. Maybe just drop some hints, but do it when you're alone with him so he won't feel the need to make fun of you to prove his masculinity. He'd do it anyway. He's insecure like that.

I know my old best friend sounded like quite the homophobe. He was always making disparaging remarks about queers. He'd even jokingly refer to me as one because I defended same- sex marriage. He'd often say, "Ah, you're just a butt- loving homo.", to which I'd reply,"Yeah, I am". He never realized I was telling him the truth.

Towards the end of our relationship he was over at the house and just finished making some anti- queer remarks to which I'd always give him a courtesy laugh. Then he quieted down and said, "You know, they say the guys that are the loudest in making fun of queers are often queer themselves". I replied, "Yep. That's what they say".

I've always wondered if he was trying to tell me something then? I didn't pursue it because I had absolutely no sexual interest in him at all. Not my type for a boyfriend. This is what my friend does, but in public in front of people, so it's probably just bullshit, but I pretty much always reply honestly when he asks me if I'd suck his cock or take up him up my ass lol

Ok, back to your friend: You might also want to try what worked for me with a guy I had the hots for that I'd known for years. He was also friends with the guy I mentioned above. They used to both join in making anti- homo remarks when they'd be over at my house, although this guy wasn't as much of a macho anti- homo guy as my best friend.

I finally told myself I had to tell this other guy I was queer if only because I was desperate for a boyfriend and thought he was a good candidate for one.

One day he came over and we were standing around smoking and drinking. I felt it was time to tell him so I manipulated the conversation to sex and we got to talking about blowjobs and such. Finally, I just said, "You know, I love sucking cock. Always have". He seemed surprised I'd admit that, not so much that I might be queer.

When he didn't seem to have a problem with that, I cut loose and told him all the stuff I had bottle up inside me all those years. That I love anal sex and everything else queer about me. He stood there listening, seeming happy I'd taken him into my confidence. To make a long story short, we ended up getting sexual together for a while until an unfortunate event caused a break up. This is pretty much what I'm intending to do now. At least I'll have aired my feelings either way.

So, you might be surprised at your friend's reaction. Still, I don't know you'd want to be that upfront about it as I was. Maybe others have some good suggestions about how to open up to him in a way he won't feel threatened? Regardless, he sounds like a good possibility for a boyfriend for you, imo. We would be awesome together, but who knows. I'll grow a set of balls and try and talk to him at some point. It'll probably be a long way off though. Many thanks though man, this has been majorly helpful. :)

So Near Yet So Far

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OAPorn & Age Gaps

Let's discuss age. Oldest I've ever had is 48. So that's an age gap of 30 years between me and him.
I'd like to say that I wouldn't go above 40 now, but if it's just for sex, I don't see why not really. I mean, I'd never EVER go for a guy older than 70. Definitley not. That's just too weird. But if they're over 40 they do have to the muscle daddy type like in the photo for me to be really interested. Quite a lot the guys I've had have been in their 40's and I haven't experienced any problems. Though I imagine that a younger guy similar ot my age will stay hard a lot longer and will last longer, like I tend to do compared with the older gents.
For me, if older blokes do need to show a bit of youthfulness in order for me to really connect with them properly; how can 2 people with completley different childhoods and social situations in practically different eras make proper conversation beyond current affairs? With guys my own age, there's always something in common with them; you watched the same shows as them as a kid or wore the same school shoes or ate the same cereal etc etc. It's just easier.

Saying all this, I do love watching middle-aged guys pummel each other in gay porn. It's my usual porn selection; I NEVER watch twink porn, it doesn't absolutley nothing for me, smooth young guys. I find it slightly creepy actually. To me, men should look like men. I'm not against trimming or anything like that. But completley hairless bodies makes me shudder. Sites like MenOver30 and ButchDixon and brilliant and I'm a frequent purveyor of their selections.
Looking round my room, it's flithy, I need to tidy this shithole up. Much love dudes, but let me know how young or old you'll go and why, I'm curious to know. Stay cool mes amis!

Don't Waste It!

Got my 100th post coming up soon. Need to think of a good topic really for such a mark lol no point wasting it
Which brings me to my point of...

WASTED JIZZ

The only thing about jerking off that I dislike is the conclusion, where I end up getting covered in my own cum. No, I actually like that. It's just what to do with it afterwards. After speaking with other bloke friends, we all agree that we feel depressed and slightly shitty after cumming from a wank. To me, it's because it's quite sad, from my spunk's point of view. All those bad boys swimming around in it are just gonna die when they should be swimming around up some slut's cervix to impreganate her with MY OFFSPRING! (Cue the caveman grunts)
So yeah that's unlikely to happen right now lol but it's that sort of primal necessity if I can call it that which brings on these feelings for me anyway. Even just cumming in an arse or a mouth is enough, it just feels like it's gone somewhere you know? This is probably why guys spitting out my jizz after taking it in their mouth I find really offensive; like I take it as personal insult REALLY badly lol.
But does anyone else feel like this regarding their man milk? This innate guilt? I know some people resolve this issue by eating their cum and I know there's a whole massive niche in porn there but I just can't bring myself to do it. The closest I've got is licking a tiny bit of my pre-cum but that's it. Got a tiny bit of cum on my lips after a wank once and wiped it off so fast I didn't get a chance to think of tasting it. Even when I've got a blob of it on my finger, I just can't make myself taste my own jizz. No idea why, I mean I can handle my own blood quite well really if I get cut or something. Shit is for the toilet in my opinion, I don't understand the eroticism of scat at all, same goes for pissing.
So let me know your thoughts men. Much love!x

Tonsillitis

Yep. Seen a doctor, and they say tonsillitis, not Acute HIV Infection like one scaremongerer suggested.  And yes I know one of the causes of tonsillitis is HIV but I think the doctor would have asked to take more tests or at least talk to me more about how I might have contracted HIV.
I would also like to point out that trying to shit me up by convincing me I have HIV or AIDS or some some other infection is fairly pointless; everyone I've had sexual contact with has at least told me they're clean or I've seen an all-clear letter from their clinic. Before some of you even say "Well you can't exactly trust them.", no I can't, but it's like an etiquette among cruisers I've found; you admit to that kind of shit; everyone just wants to get laid at the end of the day and you can still do that safely, so there's no point in hiding it.
Furthermore, these guys have all trusted me in assuming that I'm clean, which I was as of last time I went to the clinic. So it's a two-way street.
Meh, I won't have convinced any of you. But give it up with the scaremongering. We'll find out in a few months whether I have anything or not.
Hope you're well and good anyway, peace out dudes x

Well This Is Shit

Been absolutely floored by some bug/virus/motherfucking illness, so even if I was planning on seeing anyone, I would be cancelling. So I have nothing really to talk about lol
Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow and find something to talk about, apologies friends, much love xx

>:(

I've spent pretty much all day waiting around from a confirmation text from Mike, after dolling myself up and thinking about what we could do for the night. Then he tells me an hour ago he can't manage tonight.
Gah. Feel like I've wasted a day just sitting around, and now I'm gonna have to settle for a wank instead.
Oh well, let's make it a good one. x

Night & Morning After Of "Ouch"

So, Max, the guy who I stayed with on Saturday night. Yeah he was rough. I think I finally know what the phrase "Pain is so close to pleasure" means now; it could have been really pleasurable, but for the most part it was just uncomfortable. Made things easier for myself by giving him an hour long blowjob and plently of foreplay, but he still managed to fuck me 4/5 times throughout the night.
I never thought I'd actually say this, but my arse was sore the day after! All throughout the day, whenever I was sat down or walking, it still felt like I had a cock stuck up there! I hope I wasn't walking funny LOL!
But the night was good in other ways; he said he was a total top in emails. Cool I think, I can deal with that. Decided now however that I don't like being one thing and much prefer versatile people but I'll come back to that.
Anyway at around midnight or something while we're making out, he starts to climb on top of and I'm thinking "hmmmm. this isn't what he said he liked" but I ran with; grabbed a condom, stuck in on and fucked him senseless. Moaning everywhere and the fucking was a lot more pleasureable this time, due to the position I think. He was on top of me, like in the picture but I was lying down instead. It was fucking awesome, I really think I'm growing to love fucking now! LOL!
I asked him later why he decided to bottom for me and he said that he just has to be in the right mega horny mood for it and that rarely comes around apparently so I took that as a compliment naturally lol! Apparently as well I was the first guy he'd bottomed for in the city where I'd met him since he moved there, "scratch on the bedpost for you there" he said haha
I think I know what my type is now though. Not rough unless I'm the one being rough haha. Slow gentle thrusts, slow long wet blowjobs, it's a pattern. It'll probably change again pretty soon but we'll find out along the way!
Oh and I pretty much cancelled all of my other planned meets as I said in my last post, even Mark the black chap; they probably aren't doing me any good physically or mentally/emotionally so I'll calling it a day for now with new people.
Sticking with Relationshippy dude and Mike, who I'm seeing tonight hopefully.
Hope it's all well and good with you dudes, much love xx

Safe Sex + Sexcapades Hiatus

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Porn Star Comparison?!?!

Can't believe that I didn't tell you this straight away. Can't believe he said it in the first place to be honest.
Basically this guy said last night that I was one of the best fucks he's ever had:-
"And I've had some good fucks, seriously."
"Right. Well thanks very much. I was a bit nervous about it really"
"Really?!" (dubious expression on his face)
"Yeah, I've only been fucked and done the fucking once before"
"...(even more dubious suspicious expression on his face) well mate, I have to say that you gave me a VERY good shag. And I'm not bein vain or anything, but I've pulled porn stars."
"...What."
"Yeah, seriously, like I've shagged them and then seen them in their videos, and to be honest, you took me a lot better than they did and gave me a better fuck than they did."
"Bullshit. lol"
"No seriously, the videos are just cut and paste, cut and paste; they look like they're enjoying it but they're not really and they're not really screwing each other senseless. You did a fucking awesome job. So that makes me think you're either a complete liar and you're very experienced or you're just a natural"
"It's definitley the latter, like I said before, only done the shags once before."
"Well I'm very impressed mate. You're definitley coming around again lol"
REALLY?!
I don't know whether this is just complete bullshit, but he seemed sincere enough to be telling the truth. However, the probability of him shagging some pornstars to me sounds fairly silm...but then again, who knows how many pornstars there are loitering around the world lol
Anyway, it seems like I give a good shag which is good either way. So that's inflated my ego for a while.
Have a good day dudes x

Found My Kink

Yeah, it's armpits.
While me and this guy last night were going with foreplay and whatever, he just dived into my pits and started licking and sucking and biting them and it was SOOO hot! It was like being tickled but 10x more pleasurable. I was writhing around like a worm it was so tickly and horny. I didn't reciprocate to him so not sure whether I'd get the same kick out of it from that perspective or not. But either way, licking my armpits = win!

February Fornications...

started 3 hours ago with a probable new regular, Judd. So I've been talking to him for a week or so, whacked off on cam for him and was interested enough for a meet. So I went this evenin about 6 ish, and it starts the usual; making out, a bit of touching and feeling. He's RATHER full on with his make-out technique i.e. tongue to the back of my mouth. Not good when we're building up some energy man lol
So then he runs a bath. And we have a bath together.
Was a LITTLE bit awkward I have to say haha
but then I just decided to go back to making out with him so it was all cool after that. So then I suggested to get down to business. We towel off and proceed to the bedroom.
And he fucks me. And he's about 7 inch uncut, quite thick as well, so it stings a bit when he enters, but I expected that. And then we get into a good rhytmn and I'm used to it now and enjoying it quite a lot. Though I'm not getting as much as horned up over it as I did with Mike. Don't know why.
And we fuck pretty much each and every way; sideways, forwards, backwards, standing, sitting, lying, crouching, doggy. You name it.
And then I do the same to him, and he REALLY loved it. Like his eyes were rolling back in his skull while moaning and smiling blissfully kind of enjoying so I knew I was doing something right haha
He liked it when I went really deep and hitched his thighs onto mine to get more leverage. Really squealed at that lol
Didn't cum in his ass either. Tried a load of different positions to see if that'd make a difference, nope. He didn't cum in mine either, we finished off with blowjobs. He was wayyyy too rough on the blowjob front, I like them very gentle and slow and tender and time-consuming you know and he was like a bloody jackhammer so I couldn't cum over that either. I'm not sure whether I came or not either to be honest...I got myself close by beating off while sucking him off and then I told him I was about to cum and he got his mouth on my cock and then...I don't really know. It FELT like I'd cum, but I hadn't...And I hadn't beaten off beforehand either so I was full up, ready for release so I don't know what happened! But it felt like I'd cum though...any solutions to this would be helpful guys haha Google has provided no answers.
More specific details to follow, now I have to go to bed cos I'm knackered lol
Much love all x

Sex Videos + Nipples

So. A while back, about uurrrrrrrrh, 6 months ago, I made a video of myself beating off to put on one of my sites to attract myself some more attention. It did the trick *BOOM*.
But, while I was making it, I did something that I NEVER do when I usally have a wank; I rubbed and tweaked my nipples.
And as soon as I did it, I was thinking "What the hell? I get NO stimulation from my nipples, why the fuck am I stroking them?!"
So then when I uploaded, and got a few comments, a lot of them were "Omg nipple play, I love nipples too, would love to be doing that for you etc etc."
So now people think I love my nipples being rubbed and caressed when I really don't. I find it distracting more than anything and that's a turn-off for me.
Kind of annoyed me to think that I was acting up in my own sex video though! Why else would I touch my nipples unless to make OTHER people get a bit more hot under the collar with it?
Bahhh I don't know. Anyway, it took a lot of weeks to build up to making that sex video. It was awful. It's bad enough watching yourself in a home video of a nativity play or some shit, but watching yourself beat off is excruciating lol but that might be because I'm not totally comfortable with my body and shit though I have no reason to be. So I don't think I'll be making another one anytime soon.
Unless it's with another person.
Cos I would quite like to try that. Seems quite kinky. Not sure, I'll see what happens and if anyone has a super camera lol
Stay well dudes x

HOLY SHIT!

WENT PAST 10,000 VIEWS AT SOME POINT LAST NIGHT/THIS MORNING!
Wow. Never thought I'd get this much exposure, even if 99% is unwary bloggers taking a wrong turn from SJT lol
Again, massive shout out to Scott at StraightJockTalking; would never have got this far without his help and advice and general brilliance so kudos to him.
And of course thanks to you guys who come to see me regulary! I may not know you very well, or at all, but hopefully you know pretty much the ins and outs of me as that's what this whole blog is about, and the fact that some of you have stuck around shows I'm not a total prick lol
So much love flying for you lot.
Now you better read another post quick before I get teary-eyed lol xx

Decisions Decisions

I got a free week next week (Thank god, I'm been bouncing off the walls so could do with a hiatus from work) and I've been hitting up some old "contacts" to see whether they want to meet up; alls well and good and I've got a couple of dates planned. But I've also got a few new people who I'm quite interested in meeting...looks like I'm gonna have a sore jaw for that week! lol! Can't wait!
I'll be finally living out my black guy fantasy as well! I'm finally meeting up with Mark (the said black guy) who's seriously hot so I'm boned up for that right now lol
And yes, I will be safe this time and forever more unless they show proof of being clear. OH and I forgot to tell you guys, I did a test myself, and I'm clean as a whistle! Thank fuck.
Tell you what though, never in all my pubescent years of wondering what it would be like to suck a cock, did I EVER think it would this addictive. I never thought I'd enjoy it either, but I really do! I LOVE giving head! And apparently this is across the board for most gay guys, with anal being not so common, which I think is gonna be my case, only because I didn't get as much of a buzz from fucking an ass as I thought I would. BEING fucked however, is another story. It was great. So I'm definitley doing that again.
And I guess that makes me a bottom...I think I'm gradually resigning myself to this, like it's something bad, which it isn't; it's just the stereotypes of bottoms from porn and my brain saying it's a no-no. Who knows why, I've talked about this before I think.
Anyway, hope you all have/had a good day dudes, keep your juices flowing and keep it hard!
Much love!

Oh, Too Late

He just texted me saying
happy valentines day sexy
Now, I'm sad enough to analyse, literally, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING LETTER.
So, here we can see;
No capitals
No kisses
No full stop
No exclamation mark
No...nothing!
Aside from the message...
I'm psychotic. I'm gonna go get some toast and text him back with a kiss and see what happens lol

No Title

I couldn't think of a witty title to do with Valentine's Day or the complete nothing day that I've had haha!
Today was no different to any other day except that a LOT of couples who I'm friends with were a bit more clingy with each other, but that's about it. Now I'm not hating on Valentine's Day; sure, it's just a commercialised holiday to make some more money and to make single people (i.e. me) feel like shit [which, in all fairness to it, it didn't manage to accomplish this year! HURRAH!]
So, got a text from Mike saying something along the lines of "hope you're ok, got [his boyfriend's name] up for the week, c u soon. xxx".
Ouch.
But then I remembered that I'm just a fuckbuddy and I shouldn't get attached at all to these people, which I'm not especially. Inevitably, I will though. Human nature man...
Also thought about giving Gary (Relationshippy Guy) a text. Still not sure. Reason being the above sentence. Oh shit, as well! I forgot to tell you lot. I got a text from him saying
"I just can't stop thinking about you. it's driving me crazy xxx" COMPLETLEY out of the blue on saturday night. I was well chuffed. >.<
Anyway, got a pretty important interview to prepare for tomorrow so I shall leave you folks to it. Much love mon amies xx

Does This Count?

Cos I kinda already "entered" a guy's arse before fucking Mike.
It was with Relationshippy dude when we last met up and we were going to have sex but he said that it was too painful for him. Now I don't have a mahoosive cock, so either he's not been fucked a lot before or he didn't want to at all, right?
Anyway, he said it was too painful when I was all the way in; he was squatting on it so he was in control but I automatically assumed that it didn't count virginity wise cos I didn't even get to thrusting lol
But now I've fucked Mike, I'm thinking, does even THAT count? I'm pretty sure it does, but I didn't cum in him. So I've not cum into my first guy yet really. So that's a half-virginity right? haha

Usual Protocol

When I'm beating off, the usual procedure goes as follows:
1) Tease myself a little until my dick is really throbbing
2) Go at it crazy for a while
3) Then think I could get someone else to do this for me so head to a few sites to see if anyone's free
4) I then usually blow my load after I've told someone I'm available and they then ask me for my address
5) I think "Shit. No point me meeting them now." and make up a quick excuse for them not to come.
6) End up covered in cum and disappointed in myself lol

Born This Way - A GaGa + Nature/Nuture Debate

Firstly, let me establish that I LOVE Lady GaGa; she's utterly brilliant. And the new song is fantastic, a little similar to Express Yourself I agree, but 100x better for this day and age I think. And it's obvious that it's going to be a gay anthem for a while with lyrics like:
"No matter gay, straight or bi
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive...
Don't be a drag- just be a queen!"
It's fairly brave of her in my opinion to be releasing such blatently pro-gay material as is this is but she's 100% right to do so. Good on her, and much love. The only woman I'd probably ever marry if I'm honest lol.
Then it got me thinking about the whole nature/nuture debate for being gay. I think it's true, to an extent. I mean, I know my feelings for blokes didn't just arise out of nowhere but I think they were primarily the product of my environment that I was exposed to at an early age. Because of the type of business my family is into, I was pretty much surrounded by females from the start of my life, and very few straight manly men; if there were any good looking men then all the women/girls would be chatting about him so I think that their attitudes diffused into me as a child.
Strange to think how things could have turned out differently if, say, my family had been very sporty and were into rugby massively, where I would have been surrounded by massive hulking manly blokes from being little; would I have just become one of them, or started to fancy one of them like I would now? Will never know but interesting to wonder about it.
I don't regret my upbringing because of the way I've turned out, not at all. To be honest, I think I'm a more rounded, well adjusted person for being mainly gay than if I was straight. It's a massive mental conflict, coming to terms with it as a lot of you will know and I think I've come out stronger on the other side of my own epiphany.
So basically, I reckon it's primarily nuture, rather than nature. Although there's plently of animals in nature that shag the same sex, and most of them aren't animals that have sex for pleasure like humans do. So I guess that's evidence, and you could never test this nature thing on humans really so I guess we'll never know.
Besides, might as well just forget about trying to find the cause of being gay like it's a disease, because it's something to be proud and happy about! And this is why I'm happily singing along to "Born This Way" like a nutty bitch all day lol!
Much love dudes!
 

People/Crotch Watching

Sorry I've not posted for a few days; been CRAZY busy with assignments and interviews and all kinds of stressful shit, not had much time to focus on the sexy stuff lol
Was in London a couple of days ago and don't think I've ever seen so many hot people in the space of a day than I did that day. Seriously, I could have noshed off about 30/40 random blokes in the street that day! Pretty much all ages (minus the extremes), all races/ethnicities, literally a smorgasboard of sexy beasts of men! Does anyone else do this; when you have a few hours spare, so you just grab something to make yourself look busy like a coffee and a newspaper/book and sit yourself down in a park or something and just people watch? I make up scenarios and conversations for people in my head but that's probably because I'm slightly psychotic lol
It's a bit turbulent for me at the moment so if posts are a bit frenetic, I apologise in advance; sometimes there's not enough hours in a day you know.
Much love dudes, stay tip top xx

First Butt

Met up with Mike again tonight, and I had sex with him. Like I fucked him. First time I've fucked a guy! And it was great! I did enjoy it, like a lot. I can't describe the feeling of sliding into his soft warm wet ass. It was just brilliant, but I was oing for about 15/20 minutes and I wasn't gettin any closer to cumming, and didn't feel like I was going that way either. I don't know, maybe I wasn't relaxed enough. Not sure. I still enjoyed it though.
And I made him cum while I was fucking him which I was quite surprised at! He said I was good for my first time, but that's probably candy-coated bullshit but who knows?

But the other AWESOME thing about it was the whole dominantion thing. I didn't think I'd be into, but the fact that this guy who's 20+ years older than me, covered in hair and tattoos, a proper man, was whimpering while I was piledriving him! Awesome feeling! Did feel a bit guilty about being a rough bastard with him, I did get quite into it lol! Guess I'll be doing it again lol!
Hope you're all good dudes!

I'm Getting Me Some

Seeing Mike again tomorrow night. Thank god. I've been horny as fuck for the past week. Having a sex test as well this week at some point. Fingers crossed! Short post because I'm absolutley shattered, was at a concert last night which was fucking mental lol
Inabit dudes x

Doppelgänger (Angst)

I hate being in the closet. Why the fuck shouldn't I be able to flaut my sexuality in the same way other straight blokes do? "OH I'D LOVE TO FUCK HER SENSELESS, YOU KNOW, PROPER BALLS DEEP INTO HER WET PUSSY."
What difference does it make that mine is just different. I could come out, but I'm not in the right society to do it. There's still masses of homophobia, and still a tangible divide between the different sexualities a lot of the time, especially with people of my age I've found. Maybe it's cos people grow up eventually and just grow out of their phobia. Either it pisses me off.
This whole blog is testament to what I could easily to say to friends, IF I was out. Which I'm not. So I'm forced to become an anonymous blogger, adding my sorrows to the copious list of other people being sorrowful.
It's fucking balls!
I want there to be a society where it can be considered normal that a guy would fancy another guy, or a girl might fancy a girl, and they might ask them out to see a film or something. Just normality. I, and no one, else should be made to feel abnormal.
And in my outside life, I have to play the celibate "straight" guy who's CLEARLY gay and people have this smugness about them that says "Awwwh he's gay but he doesn't know it yet. N'awww!".
I could hit their heads against a brick fucking wall! They have NO idea! And if they do, then there in the same fucking boat as me and we're all just sitting here passively doing nothing, which also annoys the shit out of me, but when you've got so much going up against your ideals, that's bravery to stand up to that level of difference. I know I'm either not brave enough or not ready to face that and I have no idea when I will.
What I really want is freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom to express who I love, and who I want to fuck, and who I fancy, even if they're the same sex.
Sorry, major angst. Many apologies for boring you for a nonsense post.
Hope you're all safe and well, much peace and love xx

Jealousy + Guilt + Arousal = WTF?

I neglected to tell you that Mike (the guy who I had sex with on Monday night) has a boyfriend.
VERY bad I know. I'm the homewrecker and part of me feels really bad for him! I know I'd feel like I'd been shitted on majorstyle if my boyf was cheating on me.
But part of me was turned on by the naughtiness of it all. It was all secret and naughty and forbidden, taboo, and no one can resist that. I know I sure as hell can't.
But then I got thinking about it, and I'm jealous of the bastard boyfriend. I want all the attention from Mike, not him; if he's looking elsewhere, he cleary doesn't deserve the attention.
Of course this is all conjecture and his boyfriend could be totally lovely and Christian and nice and Mike could just be a greasy irresistable love-rat.
But THEN, I started feeling guilty for Relationshippy-Guy, who I do feel this sort of connection to that extends beyond the normal friends-with-benefits thing. I feel like I'm cheating on him, when we're not in anything serious at all!
And over-arching all of these feelings, is an INSANELY strong desire to be fucked. And to do some fucking.
Basically I have no idea and will continue to have no idea until it flies along and shits itself right on my forehead. Brilliant.
Stay strong dudes, peace and love xx

FORESKINS

Noticed that foreskin post I did at some point is the most popular post I've ever done and then realised that quite of you will be cut. SO this post is for any lovers for foreskins or for those who just want a good look at some foreskin because they've never seen them before! Enjoy dudes!

Fantasy and Reality

I realised this quite a long time after I'd been on a few dating sites; the fantasy of gay dating sites is that you're gonna hook up instantly with people who are exactly like you, after exactly what you are prepared to give and they have everything you could possibly. And they're all beautiful.
Wrong. The reality is it's mostly full of middle-aged blokes who really don't appeal to you. Disappointing at first, but occassionally you find someone who is like you and you have a good time with them. I'm glad I perservered in looking for some people to meet up with, and I don't regret giving away the big V to a guy I'd met the same night. Yet lol.
Same could apply to a lot of things I guess; I assume cruising spots would be like this, or glory holes or something, where it's just a fat greasy stench-ridden old bloke eyeing you up. Not nice most of the time.
Stay safe and well dudes, much love xx

I Lost My Virginity (Detailed)

So the last post I did was fairly...erratic to say the least. Here's the more succinct version of events that took place last night!
Got an email from this guy. 44, fairly hot, nice build. I realised I was free for a couple of hours. Impulse strikes again, I arrange for him to pick me up and take me back to his. We have a good chat on the way there, he sweet talks me and I sweet talk him, hear about some of his life story. He then goes:-
"You're pretty good looking you are."
"Oh really? Well thanks, not bad yourself" *coy glance*
"Nice lips as well, do you kiss?"
"Yeah definitley"
"Really? Fancy giving me one now?"
We're on the motorway at this point, doing about 80. But I do it anyway! Really thrilling! He tasted minty, wrigley's gum or something. Sexy at any rate.
So we get to his and we start making out, and then he goes down on me and he gives a nice slow blowjob which is always a bonus, deepthroat and all. I reciprocate and we switch back forth doing this in different positions; sitting down, lying down, standing up, standing over him while he's sitting on the sofa lol
I then RIM him...I've never rimmed anyone before! It wasn't as bad as I expected, tasted funky like I'd expect. I liked his reactions to my tongue more than I liked actually doing it lol
He then did the same to me, which I loved. And then he asks
"Can I rub my cock on your hole?" and I go "Yes" immediatley. I really don't care at this point.
So he does that and then our eyes meet, and then something passes between us. Un ange passe. And then I know I'm going to lose my virginity to him , and want to. And he knows I'm ready to. Even though I said at the start of the night I don't do anal. We both know that's it's supposed to happen. So he gradually starts pushing in and I'm trying to let him come in but it won't. We're in the position of the blokes on the position at this point, except I'm sat up a bit more cos we're on the sofa. So I try sitting on his cock while he lies down. That doesn't work either. So then we try doggy. HEY PRESTO IN HE GOES.
Slight stinging sensation at first, but not anywhere near as painful as I expected. And then he starts thrusting, slowly at first but then he builds up speed and he's really plowing into me and I'm giving just as much back to him, thrusting backwards into his hips. We swap back to the position in the photo so we can look at each other and kiss. We're done in 5 minutes and he cums inside me. Felt like I'd become slightly fuller. Odd sensation, got to feel it yourself to describe it I think. I know I'm going to be crucified by the lot of you for not being safe, and yes I know I should have been, and I'll be checked out soon. But I'm fairly confident he was clean because he has a long term boyfriend and he hasn't done barely any hooking up before.
Anyway, back to the event. He's pulled out of me to get some tissue to clean himself and me up. I'm waiting with my legs in the air, not wanting to move in case his cum slips out of my arse lol! He comes back with tissue, I clean myself up and he slaps my arse affectionatley and we start making out again. I say:
"You've got some work to do before we're finished..." and then guuide his hand to my still rock hard cock. Then I push my head downwards so he can suck me off. He does so for a bit, and then asks me whether I'll cum on his chest. So he sits down and I squat over and start wanking while we make out. We do this for a few minutes and then I spray myself all over him. We clean ourselves up, get dressed and he takes me home. My mum meets me while I'm walking back halfway and I have to make a quick excuse as to where I've been. Speedy thinking but I think I got away with it.
I'M A VERY HAPPY BUNNY.
Much love dudes xx