I hate being in the closet. Why the fuck shouldn't I be able to flaut my sexuality in the same way other straight blokes do? "OH I'D LOVE TO FUCK HER SENSELESS, YOU KNOW, PROPER BALLS DEEP INTO HER WET PUSSY."
What difference does it make that mine is just different. I could come out, but I'm not in the right society to do it. There's still masses of homophobia, and still a tangible divide between the different sexualities a lot of the time, especially with people of my age I've found. Maybe it's cos people grow up eventually and just grow out of their phobia. Either it pisses me off.
This whole blog is testament to what I could easily to say to friends, IF I was out. Which I'm not. So I'm forced to become an anonymous blogger, adding my sorrows to the copious list of other people being sorrowful.
It's fucking balls!
I want there to be a society where it can be considered normal that a guy would fancy another guy, or a girl might fancy a girl, and they might ask them out to see a film or something. Just normality. I, and no one, else should be made to feel abnormal.
And in my outside life, I have to play the celibate "straight" guy who's CLEARLY gay and people have this smugness about them that says "Awwwh he's gay but he doesn't know it yet. N'awww!".
I could hit their heads against a brick fucking wall! They have NO idea! And if they do, then there in the same fucking boat as me and we're all just sitting here passively doing nothing, which also annoys the shit out of me, but when you've got so much going up against your ideals, that's bravery to stand up to that level of difference. I know I'm either not brave enough or not ready to face that and I have no idea when I will.
What I really want is freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom to express who I love, and who I want to fuck, and who I fancy, even if they're the same sex.
Sorry, major angst. Many apologies for boring you for a nonsense post.
Hope you're all safe and well, much peace and love xx
You and 10% of the world population want that.
ReplyDeleteYou just summed up the feelings of every person who is or has ever been in the closet. I just started reading your blog from the beginning so I don't know if you are out yet or not so if you are then just ignore this. I just came out recently and I found that most of the prejudice you think that people have is in your head or just a show. Most people, even people who gay bash, don't have as big of a problem or any problem at all with gay people. Dr. Seuss once said "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." It is weird being out to people at first but eventually you get used to it. Whatever you decide to do, I support you. I am really enjoying your blog so far. I just started mine this week if you want to check it out: http://ajchessdragonowens.blogspot.com/
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