Something Forgotten

This harks back to my Fucking Weirdos and Fag Hags post a few days ago, but I completley forgot a whole saga of my female love life! Freudian repression?

This girl would have been number 5, and it was only about a year and a half ago, in Year 12, or first year of college.
So I've been at college for a couple of weeks or so, and I see this girl heading into the class opposite mine, and I think she's beautiful. Like really really gorgeous. Sexy and cute all at the same time. So I talk to her at some point for the first time, and I think one of my opening lines was something like "You look a bit like Grace from Will & Grace".
Now, in hindsight, that PROBABLY wasn't the best line ever seeing as Will & Grace is about as gay as you can get, but it was true and it just came out, like these things do. She laughed about it so I'd got away with it. Besides, Grace from W&G IS good-looking.
So we spend more time together and whatever, and she's a bit flirty and I'm a bit less flirty. This was before I developed any sense of balls or bravado when it comes to sex, I'd literally done nothing, so I was still a timid thing. Not sexy I realise. All my mates are saying "You need to tell her you like her man, cos she's WELL into you." So we hang out more, and I take her to a museum she really wanted to go to and we have a dead good time, and I'm thinking that this could maybe go somewhere; she's really attractive and I can actually hold a conversation with her which is equally sexy for me, unlike girl number 4.
But then after that, she starts to go cold on me. Doesn't respond to text or MSN messages etc. I start to get a bit pissed off and ask her why. I actually don't quite remember why we stopped liking each other. I think it was she got tired of waiting for me to make a move, and I was too stubborn in my timidness to accept it would have to be to make the move in the first place.
Turns out I had quite a lucky escape really. At her previous school, she was renowned for her sluttiness and she'd been around the block a fair few times so I wouldn't have been special to her. Actually that was one of the reasons why I got annoyed with her.
So yeah, that kinda put me off women, and I've been thinking about it a fair bit, and I think that at 18, most girls have had some form of sexual contact with another guy, so they know what they like etc. I haven't been with a girl, so in my mind, I guess I feel like I'll be intrinsically appalling at it, and won't be able to pleasure them, especially with all the hype around female orgasm and whatever, it seemed to my lazy mind too much of a stumbling block to even bother attempting. Whereas guys, they're a lot easier in my experience haha. I don't know though, what do you guys think?
Have a good weekend fellas, have fun!

Comment Catch-Up + Situation Review

I got some comments recently and it's a silly system on Blogger so you won't know I've replied on the post unless you check again, so I thought I'd get the majority of them replied to in a succint post (don't quote me on that "succinct" bit)
Right then, first things first, on my I AM CLEAN post, thanks for the congratulations I recieved. Peace Bro, yes I have had my hep shots, thanks for your-so called OT input haha. And yes, Mr Anon, I WILL be engaging in strictly safe sex now unless it's with a signifcant other whom I devoutly trust.
My Celibacy post, my God Mr Anon, you sure know how to paint a picture in a guy's mind. Hot description. Pained to say I haven't tried your languorous technique yet, but I'll return with a review after the weekend probably! Peace Bro, I DID check jackinworld but still haven't tried any techniques on there out but I'll be sure to, nice find there man!
Out Of Place experience post, yeah I agree with you Peace Bro in that gay bars are less relevant now, everything's more intermingled so I totally get where you're coming from. Rex, I don't know why but I'd feel a bit vulnerable going to a gay support group or something like that, I don't know why, but I'd just feel out of place there too probably. But I'll give it some consideration when I've moved away.
Peace Bro, I can relate to you in some ways on the faghag post, especially on the subconscious thing with gay guys and women. I pretty much know there's no agenda or other side to me when I talk to most females so maybe they sense that I'm not after their snatch like you said? Also, come on man, you've got to scare em sometimes, keep the readership on their toes ;) besides, l**** (happy now?) is a medical term, doctors use it, why shouldn't I haha. Thanks for your support as well dude, it's very much appreciated to have such a vocal reader. :)

Now, I thought that we haven't talked about Crushdude for a while have we?! So let's talk about him. Basically, I realised that ever since I broke up from college, I'd found a way to talk to him somehow, via some medium, every single day for about 2 weeks. So I stopped myself the day before yesterday and I've not spoken to him since. I guess I'm testing our friendship a little bit, see who cracks first and talks to the other. I have to say also, that ever since I told him about my open sexual nature, he's certainley become less touchy-feely, no more grabbing my hand to make me feel his balls or anything like that. It's gone very much in the direction of a bromance, big man hugs, that kind of thing. However, we haven't seen much of each due to exams and whatever, so if we'd spend more time together, maybe he would revert back to that behaviour, but who knows? Anyway, at the moment, I'm surviving without him, I think I got most of my pent-up emotion a few nights ago on that now EXTREMLEY embarassing post when I cried my eyes out (And yes Peace, I did know it was written for Toy Story, Randy Newman's music for all three movies is fantastic).
At the moment, I'm just focusing on myself and my future, and taking each day as it comes, enjoying it for what it's worth. I think that's a good plan. Stay well dudes! x

I Attract Fucking Weirdos And Fag Hags

WOW, what an eloquent title you have employed there!
Well I'm sorry, but it 's true. I think part of the reason I'm 90% gay is because I've had such shitty luck with women.  Let's take a trip down memory and recall of the women who have been in my life.

1) Number one is a girl I knew in primary school. The school was a street or two away from my grandparents and she lived on the same street as them, so I saw her quite a lot, and we became friends quite naturally.
Now the next point is what I mean about being shoved in the direction of gay; I was really really into her, she was my sweetheart, my first love, all that kind of bull, and I was always dragging her into bushes (quite literally) to get a quick kiss off her. Sometimes she reciprocated, other times I was spurned. This on-off relationship did little at school to prevent the other boys from bullying me, names like "fag" or "puff" were common, because, surprisingly I spent a lot of my time with this girl, who spent her time with the other girls, so I ingratiated myself quite quickly into their group when the lads had turned against me. In hindsight, this seems like a very logical solution to a 7 year old; the person you love is one group who you get along with, and the people who you SHOULD mingle with call you names and make you upset. What would you choose? Anyway, I think at one point we fell out over something, after being "together" for something like three years, we broke off and were just friends after that. I was now the official girlyboy at my school.

2) Number two is another girl at my primary school. This was in Year 5 I think. This relationship I think was a little more forced than my previous one. I was being bullied more than before and it was putting a real bad strain on me. I felt like I needed to provide some verification to the other males that I wasn't gay, so I chose the easiest female, who happened to fancy me. We went out for a while, and I got quite into it, buying her a shitload of Valentine's day presents. She got me nothing. The day later, she dumped me, via her friends, who then asked whether she could keep the presents.
Yes you can keep the presents, you heartless bitch, along the pieces of my shredded heart!
No but seriously,  I was pissed when she did that! So that was another bad experience of females.

3) In Year 7/8, I was really besotted with this girl that I knew from an outer-curriculer group. I thought she fancied me and I really fancied her, but being a shy little bitch with no idea of how to flirt with women (and STILL no idea. Seriously, I wouldn't think a woman was attracted to me even if she was grinding  her labia on my dick), I decided to ask the opinion of her friends.
Bad idea. They would say one thing, the next time say another. They told her that I fancied her, and she replied "No way would I go out with him!", they told me later. Ouch. So once again spurned but still besotted. So I moved onto her EXTREMLEY dumb friend who was...

4) Number 4. My God, I guess this would be the relationship in a regular teenage male's world that he would explore sexually.
Nah. Nada. Zilch, zippo, nope, nein, not here. We were together for over 18 months when we were both 14/15, and we only ever kissed. And I don't even mean making out. We only did that when we were both drunk, and even then, I got feedback later on that she said I was sloppy. Gee, thanks.
The blame of the celibacy in this relationship was on both sides; I was paralysed by fear and anxiety (WILL I DO IT RIGHT, HOW THE FUCK DO I DO IT, WHAT WILL SHE THINK OF MY BODY, WILL SHE LAUGH, OH MY GOD SHE'LL LAUGH, FUCK IS MY COCK BIG ENOUGH, HOW DO I DO IT AAAAH!) and I think she was vice versa, or just frigid.
I broke it off with her after 18 months or something similar. She was really into me, and we got back together on her 16th birthday for another year, in which we progressed no further apart from me being an inch away from fingering her and she rebuking me telling me "Later.". Right then love, sure I'll wait, I've plucked up the courage to try something and you knock me back, but that's cool. HAH. No chance honey. Split up with before I turned 17, and have been single from females ever since.

So basically I've never had a sexual experience with a woman. Which is sad, because it's not that I don't want to. I don't know why I distinguish my thoughts like this, but having sex with guys I'm not bothered about, I barely have any inhibitions; sure, I have discomforts, but it doesn't prevent me from going through with the nasty.
Whereas with females, I just know that if a really good looking woman came up to me and starting hitting on me, I wouldn't have the faintest idea where to start, or how to go about showing her a good time. Hopefully I'd be a natural at hetero sex as I was with homo sex (according to RelationshipGuy anyway. Don't get too excited fellas ;) ).

But the likelihood of that occuring is very slim now, considering 99% people who first meet me think I'm gay. And the majority of females who meet me for the first time instantly gravitate towards me because they think I'll be their closeted gay best friend. WRONG. Fuck off honey.
I'm sorry, but I find that term so demeaning it is UNTRUE. You're basically saying you're friends with me because of my sexuality. Newsflash - human being with personality and feelings first, sexuality somewhere below that rank. Jesus Christ. They annoy me to fuck, I want to slap them.

All this coupled with latent gay feelings and numerous events regarding that which I have already elaborated on, have created the person before thee. What a wonderful thing Life is!
Have a good rest of your week folks, much love and keep your pecker up!

Good Morning Wood

I don't know what it is, or how it works, but it's brilliant. Here's what Wikipedia has to say on the subject:


Nocturnal penile tumescence (also known as "morning wood" or "morning glory") is the spontaneous occurrence of an erection of the penis during sleep. All men without physiological erectile dysfunction experience this phenomenon, usually three to five times during the night.


 

Three to five times a night? Pretty sure I'm hard from the moment I fall asleep to when I wake up, my morning wood is that desperate! I'm quite lucky never to have had a situation like the guy above, been caught with an awkward boner, I've always hidden them very well from mates and family and whoever. Anyone had any particulary juicy incidents with their morning wood? Lemme hear it!

Out Of Place Experience

I forgot to say that when I went out with friends for my 18th, that we passed through an area of town that has a couple of gay bars, and being a Saturday, it was mega lively.
Didn't see any action going on, but it felt like a lively atmosphere.
Now I don't know where it was because I was nervous going through there and it was the first time I'd been there but, I just had this feeling that I wouldn't fit in there at all. I can't really explain, but I was looking around at all the people, and the vast majority of people looked like camp little twinks that I have no interest in spending any time with. I'd much rather go to a bar or pub with some older gay guys and have a good conversation and then maybe go out raving afterwards.
Course, I've not experienced properly yet, so I don't know how different is to the straight club scene. Are guys a lot more confident than on the regular scene in coming up to you and hitting on you or what? But the first experience I had of the place wasn't negative, but it wasn't positive either. I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't go back, which is a shame really, considering how much I was looking forward to going out and trying the gay scene.
Another problem is that I don't have anyone to go out with. I'm only open to 2 friends, Crushdude (who i don't think i could persuade to go) and my girl best friend (who ratted on me to my parents, and who's already expressed resistance to going because she doesn't trust me enough to keep my prick in my pants apparently, and she wouldn't want to be left alone. Gee thanks.)
And I can hardly go on my own. I'm just asking for weirdos to come after me then. So I think I'll have to wait a bit longer until I can find a group of friends to go out with in that scene.
Have a good rest of your weekend fellas!