I AM CLEAN

Yep. You heard it here first. I am officially clean! No STI's/STD's or HIV to be seen anywhere. CLEAN AS A WHISTLE AND MY DICK IS NOW AS SHARP AS A THISTLE FROM LACK OF SEX. I'm counting down to when Relationshippy dude gets back, got some serious unfinished business with his ass. MUCH LOVE DUDES. Let's get fucked up this weekend, have a good 'un fellas!

A Moral Dilemma (x2)

So I've been texting RelationshippyDude a lot more recently, and, there's been some flirting going on on both sides.
Trouble is, he's got a boyfriend.
They've just past the six month mark, so it could develop into something more serious, so I'm cautious really.
But RD is handsome, funny and I get along with him really well. And he's a charmer ("The sex with you is mega hot!" he said. Cue my head inflating along with my dick and my ego.)
Other factor is that I'm off to uni in the autumn, so I'm not looking for anything long-term with him, although I could see it working between us. He's a babe, but I don't love him. The sex is good and he's a great guy to hang around with. I guess in some ways that's kinda selfish of me.
But, that still doesn't resolve the situation of his boyfriend. So i say to him,
"God what are we going to do?"
He says - "I need to see you! You need to fuck my brains out"

Cue massive erection. But it doesn't help matters. He says that he doesn't want to leave his boyfriend but he also doesn't want to lead ME on because he really likes me.

So, the likelihood is that I'll see him and we'll hook up. EXCITED. I do feel bad when I think about his boyfriend; I wouldn't like to be cuckolded but thankfully, I'm not in his position. If I was, I'd be a mad cunt. So I'm shaky on that front.

But the other moral dilemma is; how much do I tell my parents? I'm supposed to be honest to them about what happens now, so if I do start meeting him again, what do I do?
They didn't approve his age when I told them during that infamous conversation we had together, so I think i'm going to have to lie about that. I mean it's my sex life. But I'll have to tell them it's him I'm going to see I think, so they know where i am and stuff, that's what was got them worried last time.
But he's away on business for a couple of weeks, and I have exams to concentrate on so I won't have to worry about it until then. Any thoughts dudes? x

Under Control

I went to sleep after that...well, depressive little post, still crying a bit.
Not quite sure what brought it to be honest.
First I was singing along to Avenue Q songs and then it got to "There's a Fine, Fine Line". Utterly beautiful and you wouldn't expect it in such a hilarious musical. First link is to the cast recording but I don't think her performance on it is that great so I sung along to this brilliant guy playing instead.

And while I was singing along, I was thinking about Crushdude and getting more and more emotional about it. And then, fucking hell "When She Loved Me" popped up in the sidebar, and I haven't heard it for years, so started singing along with that, and halfway through, I just broke down. Completley. I haven't cried like that for years. My parents were in bed so I was trying to be quiet but if I was alone, I'd have been like a banshee. It was cathartic, odd, enlightening and confusing all at the same time.
So that's my half-explanation of the probably hilarious-to-everyone-but-me post underneath.
Sad? Probably. But I'm in love with this guy. And god, I don't even know what's going to happen.
Hope you all had a top weekend boys, much love x

Sometimes

Sometimes I turn around and catch the smell of you and I cannot go on, I cannot fucking go on without expressing this terrible so fucking awful physical aching fucking longing I have for you. (Sarah Kane)

Spent the last hour sobbing.
To lovers. Lost, forgotten, nevermore, non-existant, distant. To lovers.

3 Month Celibate...RAAARGH!

Yep, I've done it. My final HIV test is tomorrow; after that comes through clean, I'm home and dry, and clean! Didn't think I would last to be honest, and I only wavered a little a week or so ago when I nearly met up with this munter up the road!
It's SUCKED.
How the fuck monks and priests and whoever else decides to tie up the trouser snake eternally is beyond me. I'll never hate my hand, but it's getting old and I've tried a fair few wanking techniques for some variance but it's been pretty pointless. Grass is always greener on the other side in my tiny little mind!
So, I need YOUR help men. Stick a comment below with your meat-beatin' technique and I'll choose a few and do a rating + review of each that interest me! Get practising chaps, I want some good ones! ;) Much love dudes!