Doppelgänger (Angst)

I hate being in the closet. Why the fuck shouldn't I be able to flaut my sexuality in the same way other straight blokes do? "OH I'D LOVE TO FUCK HER SENSELESS, YOU KNOW, PROPER BALLS DEEP INTO HER WET PUSSY."
What difference does it make that mine is just different. I could come out, but I'm not in the right society to do it. There's still masses of homophobia, and still a tangible divide between the different sexualities a lot of the time, especially with people of my age I've found. Maybe it's cos people grow up eventually and just grow out of their phobia. Either it pisses me off.
This whole blog is testament to what I could easily to say to friends, IF I was out. Which I'm not. So I'm forced to become an anonymous blogger, adding my sorrows to the copious list of other people being sorrowful.
It's fucking balls!
I want there to be a society where it can be considered normal that a guy would fancy another guy, or a girl might fancy a girl, and they might ask them out to see a film or something. Just normality. I, and no one, else should be made to feel abnormal.
And in my outside life, I have to play the celibate "straight" guy who's CLEARLY gay and people have this smugness about them that says "Awwwh he's gay but he doesn't know it yet. N'awww!".
I could hit their heads against a brick fucking wall! They have NO idea! And if they do, then there in the same fucking boat as me and we're all just sitting here passively doing nothing, which also annoys the shit out of me, but when you've got so much going up against your ideals, that's bravery to stand up to that level of difference. I know I'm either not brave enough or not ready to face that and I have no idea when I will.
What I really want is freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom to express who I love, and who I want to fuck, and who I fancy, even if they're the same sex.
Sorry, major angst. Many apologies for boring you for a nonsense post.
Hope you're all safe and well, much peace and love xx

Jealousy + Guilt + Arousal = WTF?

I neglected to tell you that Mike (the guy who I had sex with on Monday night) has a boyfriend.
VERY bad I know. I'm the homewrecker and part of me feels really bad for him! I know I'd feel like I'd been shitted on majorstyle if my boyf was cheating on me.
But part of me was turned on by the naughtiness of it all. It was all secret and naughty and forbidden, taboo, and no one can resist that. I know I sure as hell can't.
But then I got thinking about it, and I'm jealous of the bastard boyfriend. I want all the attention from Mike, not him; if he's looking elsewhere, he cleary doesn't deserve the attention.
Of course this is all conjecture and his boyfriend could be totally lovely and Christian and nice and Mike could just be a greasy irresistable love-rat.
But THEN, I started feeling guilty for Relationshippy-Guy, who I do feel this sort of connection to that extends beyond the normal friends-with-benefits thing. I feel like I'm cheating on him, when we're not in anything serious at all!
And over-arching all of these feelings, is an INSANELY strong desire to be fucked. And to do some fucking.
Basically I have no idea and will continue to have no idea until it flies along and shits itself right on my forehead. Brilliant.
Stay strong dudes, peace and love xx

FORESKINS

Noticed that foreskin post I did at some point is the most popular post I've ever done and then realised that quite of you will be cut. SO this post is for any lovers for foreskins or for those who just want a good look at some foreskin because they've never seen them before! Enjoy dudes!

Fantasy and Reality

I realised this quite a long time after I'd been on a few dating sites; the fantasy of gay dating sites is that you're gonna hook up instantly with people who are exactly like you, after exactly what you are prepared to give and they have everything you could possibly. And they're all beautiful.
Wrong. The reality is it's mostly full of middle-aged blokes who really don't appeal to you. Disappointing at first, but occassionally you find someone who is like you and you have a good time with them. I'm glad I perservered in looking for some people to meet up with, and I don't regret giving away the big V to a guy I'd met the same night. Yet lol.
Same could apply to a lot of things I guess; I assume cruising spots would be like this, or glory holes or something, where it's just a fat greasy stench-ridden old bloke eyeing you up. Not nice most of the time.
Stay safe and well dudes, much love xx

I Lost My Virginity (Detailed)

So the last post I did was fairly...erratic to say the least. Here's the more succinct version of events that took place last night!
Got an email from this guy. 44, fairly hot, nice build. I realised I was free for a couple of hours. Impulse strikes again, I arrange for him to pick me up and take me back to his. We have a good chat on the way there, he sweet talks me and I sweet talk him, hear about some of his life story. He then goes:-
"You're pretty good looking you are."
"Oh really? Well thanks, not bad yourself" *coy glance*
"Nice lips as well, do you kiss?"
"Yeah definitley"
"Really? Fancy giving me one now?"
We're on the motorway at this point, doing about 80. But I do it anyway! Really thrilling! He tasted minty, wrigley's gum or something. Sexy at any rate.
So we get to his and we start making out, and then he goes down on me and he gives a nice slow blowjob which is always a bonus, deepthroat and all. I reciprocate and we switch back forth doing this in different positions; sitting down, lying down, standing up, standing over him while he's sitting on the sofa lol
I then RIM him...I've never rimmed anyone before! It wasn't as bad as I expected, tasted funky like I'd expect. I liked his reactions to my tongue more than I liked actually doing it lol
He then did the same to me, which I loved. And then he asks
"Can I rub my cock on your hole?" and I go "Yes" immediatley. I really don't care at this point.
So he does that and then our eyes meet, and then something passes between us. Un ange passe. And then I know I'm going to lose my virginity to him , and want to. And he knows I'm ready to. Even though I said at the start of the night I don't do anal. We both know that's it's supposed to happen. So he gradually starts pushing in and I'm trying to let him come in but it won't. We're in the position of the blokes on the position at this point, except I'm sat up a bit more cos we're on the sofa. So I try sitting on his cock while he lies down. That doesn't work either. So then we try doggy. HEY PRESTO IN HE GOES.
Slight stinging sensation at first, but not anywhere near as painful as I expected. And then he starts thrusting, slowly at first but then he builds up speed and he's really plowing into me and I'm giving just as much back to him, thrusting backwards into his hips. We swap back to the position in the photo so we can look at each other and kiss. We're done in 5 minutes and he cums inside me. Felt like I'd become slightly fuller. Odd sensation, got to feel it yourself to describe it I think. I know I'm going to be crucified by the lot of you for not being safe, and yes I know I should have been, and I'll be checked out soon. But I'm fairly confident he was clean because he has a long term boyfriend and he hasn't done barely any hooking up before.
Anyway, back to the event. He's pulled out of me to get some tissue to clean himself and me up. I'm waiting with my legs in the air, not wanting to move in case his cum slips out of my arse lol! He comes back with tissue, I clean myself up and he slaps my arse affectionatley and we start making out again. I say:
"You've got some work to do before we're finished..." and then guuide his hand to my still rock hard cock. Then I push my head downwards so he can suck me off. He does so for a bit, and then asks me whether I'll cum on his chest. So he sits down and I squat over and start wanking while we make out. We do this for a few minutes and then I spray myself all over him. We clean ourselves up, get dressed and he takes me home. My mum meets me while I'm walking back halfway and I have to make a quick excuse as to where I've been. Speedy thinking but I think I got away with it.
I'M A VERY HAPPY BUNNY.
Much love dudes xx