Sleepyhead

Not only is it my favourite song by Passion Pit (give it a listen, the stripped down version is epic), but it describes me exactly. Thank god for the weekend!
Got test results back today, I'm clean! Done another urine test and I'm going back in another 2 weeks for another blood test, and then again in 2 more months. After that, I know I'm clean for certain from everything apparently so s'all good.
Lot of flirtation occurin' with Crushdude today. Touching of every kind of nature. Made me touch his crotch area again, very publicly. Also said "Dude, I think I'm getting gay feelings for you; thing is I'm not even joking!".
I replied "Dude, same.". We then both laughed it off, we were near people.
AJ said on my last post that he reckons I should come to people at my college before I leave instead of letting them find out through Faceyb; reason I say this is because Crushdude would be one the first people I'd tell. Just to gage his reaction. Cos I know I'd have NO chance of getting with him if I was out. So approaching him first is the more sensible option, yes? Good plan or not? What do you guys think?

Bit Of A Pickle

I've had these thoughts whirling around in my head all day and could really do with someone's advice who's been there and done it, but anyone's welcome to pitch in. Basically, I've been thinking about the possibility coming out to my immediate friendship group at my college. Only because I do actually quite like some of them, and with Facebook and everything nowadays, it's impossible to avoid the fact that, when I change my "Interested In" box on Facebook to "Men", I'll get questions passed my way.
So, it's only 8/9 weeks til I break up for exams etc, so it's not far away if things did get nasty if I did come out. Also, because my friendship group is quite big (there's about 30 of us in the core of it lol) then it's bound to spread to other parts of the college and people I don't get on with will find out etc. But my main worry is that, if I wait until I've left for uni to come out, then people will think I've betrayed them or some shit. Part of me thinks that they'd need to get over it and understand that it's my decision about when I come out and whether it was right for me or not. Another part says that I do get along with most of these people and wouldn't want to lose their friendship over something like that. Admittedly, I probably won't talk to 80% of them after we've all gone separate ways because of different unis and whatever, but I'm still a bit on the fence about it. Any advice fellas? Much love x

Stung

Recieved a text from Relationshippyguy this morning as soon as I woke up:-
"Hey i'm really sorry but I've met someone and we are serious. So I won't be able to see you again. Take care x"
Yep, that stung a bit. Not because I'm in love with him, cos I'm not. I mean, we hadn't seen each other since November so I can survive without it. What stings more, is that I'm crazy jealous of him. That he has a boyfriend now. An actual boyfriend. Crazy times. Well, not so crazy. Guess it was kind of a reality check for me.



Someone commented on the previous post saying I should back off Crushdude because he might not be in the same place as me. Totally get where this person's coming from. If he's mega unsure, me coming onto him won't help, and I don't want to screw around with his head about it all, especially around exam and deadline times when we both need as little stress as possible. I probably came across as self-centred in the previous post about him which isn't the case. I wouldn't ever intentionally screw him around about it or try and mess him up. Lordy lordy I have no idea. Likelihood is I'll end up doing nothing, regret it for a long time, forget about him, then meet him again and we'll end up having drunked blowjobs or something and it'll be mega awkward and we'll never speak again. Very soap opera of me.
Much love dudes x

Woe Is Me

<----- I WANT TO BE DOING THIS WITH CRUSHGUY.
So so SO badly. And I know we've all heard it before, but no use denying the fact I'm really REALLY into this guy.
So I should just go for it. Regardless of consequences. If he doesn't accept me for who I am, then he's not worth being friends or lovers with anyway.
...right?
It's not even that I just want to have sex with him. It's not that at all actually. I'm not saying I wouldn't want that eventually, but like the blokes in the photo, I just want to be more intimate with him. Be close and shit.
Christ this is really messing my head big style. It doesn't help that I see him practically everyday and we play this same flirty game (or so it seems in my mind) every single day.
I'm being a tad melodramatic about it in some ways. But it's not something for me to rush a decision for, I know that much. Maybe thinking that now might not be the best time to say anything. We'll see. Peace out dudes x

Vow Of Celibacy (Sort Of...)

If I want to know I'm well and truly clean as a whistle sexually, I'm going to have to wait 3 whole months to do another HIV check. With no sexual activity. Even with condoms, there's a risk of it breaking or something. Knowing my luck, even if I did use a condom for any sexual activity, it would break so I'd just be back to square one. God I hate wearing condoms. I should have sex with them the first time so I wouldn't have known how good bareback feels. Fucks sake.
I'm getting ahead of myself anyway; probably won't be getting any sex anyway now I've cut off all contact from people. Unless Crushguy works out alright. In which I may not be able to stop myself. He's gorgeous haha
Hope you've been having a good weekend folks!
Peace out