3 Month Celibate...RAAARGH!

Yep, I've done it. My final HIV test is tomorrow; after that comes through clean, I'm home and dry, and clean! Didn't think I would last to be honest, and I only wavered a little a week or so ago when I nearly met up with this munter up the road!
It's SUCKED.
How the fuck monks and priests and whoever else decides to tie up the trouser snake eternally is beyond me. I'll never hate my hand, but it's getting old and I've tried a fair few wanking techniques for some variance but it's been pretty pointless. Grass is always greener on the other side in my tiny little mind!
So, I need YOUR help men. Stick a comment below with your meat-beatin' technique and I'll choose a few and do a rating + review of each that interest me! Get practising chaps, I want some good ones! ;) Much love dudes!

La Fin

 

Finished with college now. Only got some exams to do but apart from that, I've washed my hands of it. Onto university in autumn. Made my decision about Crushdude as well. He's not interested. We're just really good mates, and he's straight. The more time I spend with him, I keep getting a vibe that he isn't gay. He's desperate to lose his virginity to a girl before uni. Still hurts to look at him and think that we could have something a million times better but I'm going to be happy with what I've got with him because he's a really decent bloke and I should be content with that. If it turns out in the future that he was/is interested in me, then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, we're just really good friends. 

Relationshippydude texted me yesterday as well out of the blue. Was a real surprise. He's doing well for himself, his relationship is at 6 months now and he's really happy. Going to meet him for a drink as a friend after my exams are finished. Not a peep out of Scruffdude but I don't mind. I'm hopeful that they'll be someone at university that likes me as much as I liked Crushdude, and vice versa, then I'll be more than happy haha! 

Hope you have a good weekend dudes, much love and stay well x

Rebellion Quashed

Sent a text to Scruffman saying I'm not free tonight. Got a feeling that now isn't the right time to reopening those doors. Later, after exams and whatever. Need  to focus on myself for now I think, try and get Crushdude out of my head as well if possible.

**EDIT** Turns out Crushdude is busy anyway tonight, and we're all going out next weekend instead. So I'm ready for bed at half 9 on a Saturday night. Such a typically adolescent life I lead...
J'adore bros x

Rebellion?

I texted Scruffman a couple of nights back. And he texted back. We chatted a bit. Chatted some more last night, and I got horny so sent him a flithy text. He replied with "Well that got me hard". I replied with "I've been hard for ages. I'm dripping like I was that night".
He replied "Ok. I give in. I want that dripping cock.".
And that might possibly be tonight...He'll take me out around town, back to his, gorge ourselves sexually, and shag the night away. Is this the beginning of my rebellion against the no-sex-with-older-men imposed by the parents?
I logged back onto one of my old sites as well last night, just to see what was happening. I had an old guy on me instantly, he was dead close by, and I was super horny, and he was clearly gagging for my cock. I suggested meeting him today but cleverly decided to blow my load before handing out my number. That snapped me right out of my mood, so I made a quick excuse and deleted my account before I do any more damage. I felt guilty beyond belief that I almost did it. And I know I'll feel unbelievably guilty if I meet up with Scruffman tonight.
But that all depends on whether Crushdude is arranging a few mates to go out for a drink, in which case, I'll go with them. I'm waiting on a text to confirm my decision.
But even if Crushdude isn't planning anything, that doesn't mean I have to go behind my parent's back and see Scruffman. It's just available. Christ. I have no idea. I'd have no qualms about doing it if I was living alone, but I'm still very dependent on them, and my mother has definitley got the shining or something, she knows when I'm lying to her, so it's risky at any rate. She still asks whether I go out "Are you actually going there...not somewhere else?" i.e. not going off to shag old men. So she still doesn't trust me. And probably won't until long after I'm gone to university. At any rate, I'm trying to distract myself by tidying shit up, ignoring my boner and raving to GaGa's new album. I reckon it's stellar, fucking LOVE Americano. Anyway, have a rockin' weekend brothers-from-other-mothers, SINABIT. x

Is It So Wrong?

When all the stuff about me shagging around came tumbling out to my parents, one of their main concerns was because it was with guys who were older than me. A lot older than me. They were concerned about "their intentions" with me. Which I can understand. To an extent.
If I try and look at it bluntly, my parents were shocked that I had suddenly become a sexual being in their eyes, and they were even more shocked that older gents found me satisfying and attractive, which perversed them, leading them to assume that I was groomed, because OBVIOUSLY, I should be attracted to guys my own age.
Sorry Mother, Father, WRONG. My main attraction has ALWAYS been the older gent. Childhood crushes include:- Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Timothy Dalton. See a young face among them? No chance.
Is that so wrong? To be attracted to people older than yourself? I suppose if we flipped the argument, and said someone younger, much younger, it could turn quite sinister and disturbing. But I'm talking strictly within the bounds of the law. I'm 18 now (HURRAH. Had a great birthday, got very drunk as expected.) so it's not like any bloke shagging me now would be breaking any laws.
But what my parents said that night about the older blokes, it's made me feel guilty about this attraction. Shamed of it even. And then I thought today, "No, why the hell should I be afriad to like who I like? They're are plently of cross-generational couples, more so in the gay community.". I'm more concerned about my mother honestly; RelationshippyGuy was deemed too old for me and she said of him "I just think it's a bit odd that he hasn't found anyone he would like to settle down with yet.".
He was 29 Mother! If she expects me to find someone at 20-odd and marry them like she did, she's one off. Besides, the age difference between her and my dad is easily a decade, so she poses little argument for anything younger than that in my opinion. But the point is that I'd still feel uncomfortable about bringing a bloke home if he was any older than 20. Even if he was 20, I'd still feel really awkward about it. I know I'm lucky that I could bring blokes home in the first place if I wanted and that the parents have been accepting as they have, but I still feel unsure about it. I know the solution is to talk to them about it, but there's not much point doing that until I'm in a relationship with anyone, which at the moment, is unlikely. Crushdude post to follow shortly. Peace out bruvva-luvvaz x

*EDIT* - I forgot to include the proponent of this whole debarkle; my best friend, who was saying that all the blokes I were seeing were immoral or screwed-up for wanting to shag someone so young. She called it perverse and twisted I remember. But again, she's got no right to tell who I shouldn't see, and honestly, I don't think I'll ever forgive her for telling my parents and betraying me like that, it was none of her damn business. She could say as much as she liked about how she had my best interests and safety in mind, but it makes no odds, I feel the way I feel.

Also, a big shout out to the anon commenter who said I write great! Many thanks for that, positive little comments like that are always appreciated, especially since I barely get any commenters from my readership but I'm glad to know you're all there anyway! Also, could you all do me a HUGE favour and go on over BestMaleBlogs and rate my blog for me, maybe leave a comment about it; I'm going to try and push out into wider blogosphere methinks. I'll owe all of you a seriously top notch blowjob haha! Cheers guys, much love x