BACK...in a new place.

Well this is familiar!

Hello to any poor souls who may still be following - here I am again!
I've just gone through a break-up - before anybody goes thinking I'm going to be blubbing all over the place...not gonna happen! - and I wanted to restart this blog. In all honesty, I'm really quite proud of it - I'm not proud of the things I've documented within it, but the fact I have done, and it's still here to remind me of those times and how far I've come is important to me. And I want to get back involved with this community! I've missed you guys, and the online blogging world, so here I am again.

However, it's not going to be on Blogspot.
The format just doesn't work for me anymore and, to be honest, I find the aesthetic of Tumblr much nicer and easier to use. I'll be sad to lose the comment section of Blogger, but i'll include an ask box for you guys to use if you wish to, and reblogging is always a way to comment too.

So a new life for this blog is starting over at:

http://homoflexiblelife.tumblr.com/

and I would love it if you want to join the party over there. I'll be posting pictures that I find that I think are fucking cute, writing some opinion posts, and generally informing you about my love/sex life alongside some sexual fantasies (what else is the Internet for?)

please feel free to comment etc, but this is most likely going to be the last post of Homoflexible Life's Blogger profile, so come on over and join the party on Tumblr, if that floats your boat.

Would love to see you guys there,

signing out, with love and lust,

Joey x

A Few Important Words

Wow. It's very surreal being back on this blog.
A lot has changed since I last posted in February, nearly 10 months ago now, bloody hell.

Almost everything about my life - my outlook, my beliefs, my attitudes, my goals - has changed beyond measure. So much has happened and the life that this blog documents is testament and scripture of a past me.
So what's happened, you may ask.
I'm still at university, loving every second of it - even the work. I know what I want to do afterwards, I have some tentative plans for the future.
I have a solid group of friends with mutual interests, and a smaller group of very close mates, all of whom I'm very grateful for. My family is still around, and still love very much - we're still slightly dsyfunctional, but nobody's perfect.
And I've got a partner. Early days, around about 6 months, but he makes me happier than anyone ever has. We met quite normally through a mutual social interest (not hooking up for sex online or cruising), and we've gone from strength to strength.
He's my absolute rock, and I am so unbelievably lucky to have landed someone who understands me so vividly and completley. We have very similar experiences with meeting up with people online - his experiences have scarred him, and it's only through this mutual understanding that we have really come to understand what we went through.
As young gay males, we were failed by society, and left lonely and vulnerable. Our journey to online cruising sites was unremarkable - what other choice did we have? Anyone who thinks counselling or 'youth groups' for young gay people are helpful fail to grasp that those sorts of facilities shouldn't even be necessary.
I'll never forget how lonely I was, how desperate I was. I was utterly devoid of hope.
I never thought a day would arrive when I could say that I was deeply in love with another person who loves me just the same, and loves me for me. Not because I'll stick my arse in the air and take it like a man.

My partner and I have saved each other from the hollow, dangerous and seedy crack of our culture, and I will never be able to express my gratitude.

So. This is my plea.

Young gay boys/males/youths. If you are curious, if you're scared, if you're horny; if you think you are lonely, if you think you are desperate, if you think that meeting up with older men online will help you discover yourself - it is not the way.
I can't deny that my experiences in this blog have shaped me as a person indefinitely, but I regret them deeply, and it fills me with the most bleak form of despair I have ever felt that other young gay people are going through the exact thought process that I did, and will inevitably travel along the same routes I did, and make the same mistakes I did, and that sickens me.
I can only say what my mother said to me when she found out I'd been hooking up with men from the internet and let them have sex with me:
Don't prostitute yourself or your body. You are worth so much more than that. Just think about their intentions; what kind of man would want to have sex with a teenage boy? Think about it. When you're a middle-aged man, will YOU want to have sex with teenagers like yourself, even when they confess to being underage like you have done to some of them?

Of course, my mind filled this gap with the explanation: It's just a kink. I get off over older guys. And they get off over younger guys.

Back then I never thought to go deeper with this explanation. And now I have.
 Everytime I went on a meet, if the man was much older than me, I felt I somehow possessed some kind of power; an equality of some sorts, between myself, a socially starved and lonely teen, and this mysterious older gay man who was attracted to me, and desired me. This desire of his empowered me, and I thought I was immortal and protected because of it.
And then I flip the coin. WHY would an older gentleman be attracted to younger guys?
Well, youth. It's attractive, everyone wants to be young. 
The older man has been young once. He has experienced it. He knows what it is like to be socially starved and forever battling his emotions and his sexuality. He knows how tough it is. In all likelihood, it's probably unlikely that he got the chance to do as much sexual exploration, or the freedom to do so, when he was a teenager. In this sense, we, as young people, are LUCKY to have the oppurtunity to be fuck, or be fucked, by said older gentleman. This grants him power. He is bestowing some kind of knowledge unto us.
And it's a power trip. Older knows all, younger knows nothing. Therefore older has command and power, and younger deludes himself into false sense of security. Older realises this, and STILL takes advantage of younger and fucks, and is fucked, and sucks, and is sucked, and without even blinking, assaults that young person. Neither younger or older may realise this until much later, or even ever. But I'm glad I have. And I'm glad that I have left the sites behind and joined the real world.

There's so much more that could be said, but this topic always tires and upsets me now.

My final words are this.

Young people, respect yourself. We all have some much to give, and ALL of it is precious. Don't give any of it to just anyone. Waiting is a skill, but one worth developing. And things will come along when you least expect them to. Get yourself happy, and more happiness will come along, trust me.

If you've had sex with a young person recently, and you're older than them, think on what I've said, and what you do in the future.

I don't know what else to say. It's the reason I came back to this blog, to atone and clean and close off this old wound, but there's so much to be said.

I don't know, talk amongst yourselves. 
And there is light at the end of the tunnel - I am so happy with my life now - beyond compare with 12 months ago. 

 and Thank God x     

Checking In

Well hello there internet! It's been a while.
Yeah, I dropped off the map suddenly, never said a word. Sorry about that.
I reckoned it was time for me to leave the blog behind, and drop the past and all its shit - those who've been reading back will understand why I wanted to do this.
However, I'm alive, well, healthy, all that jazz, still single though.
At university and fucking loving it. Not quite out of the closet yet, but I've got an arm and a leg out there so some people know hah!
Lots has happened since my last post in July, I think it was? But now isn't the time for it.
Just thought I'd dropped by and see if anything changed.
And thank you very much for anyone who's emailed/twittered me praising the blog; it's been a labour of love really and I'm all gooey inside thinking that people have still been regularly reading it in my absence, so thanks guys, YOU DA BEST.
Peace out daddylovers. Keep it real x

Oppurtunity Revoked and Progression Halted - Fuck!

So the situation with this girl who I thought still liked me and I was thinking of giving it a go has flown by; she's back with her donkey-dicked guy and all of our friends have made it MEGA awkward between us so there's no chance basically lol. I know that she liked me Christmas-ish time but I didn't do anything about it. Next time I'll have to be more on the money and ready for an encounter haha! Also she's not into me anymore for whatever reason but she just isn't. I'm getting vibes haha which is GREAT. hah!

Also my oppurtunity to be a bit more free with myself is, well, gone ahah. I've found out this bitchy little shit of a girl is doing the same thing I'm doing in summer. I'll have to see whether I have to spend any time with her but I still don't like the idea that there'll be someone there who knows me you know? Unnerves me that she might find out things about me that my best friends back home don't even know. And I know that you might say "well you'll be with complete strangers anyway so what difference does it make?". It's different with strangers, I don't know why but I'd rather a stranger know my true sexuality than this person who I vaguely know.
Yep I'm a headcase, I know. You wouldn't be reading otherwise haha, enjoy the week fellas, much love.x

Myriad

 Right, so this is a bit of a myriad of a post (hence le title). Let's start off chronologically.

1) I'm not sure if I told you guys that I started texting Relationshippyguy. He texted me first saying he was free for a week and if I fancied seeing him to catch up (and obviously get down and dirty). And I did really want to. But he's still with his boyfriend. And of course, moral dilemma again. I'd feel shit if it was me that got cheated on etc. I DID think of a rather brilliant solution; get him to persuade his boyfriend to have a threesome with me. I get sex, they can stay together, perfect. He wasn't affected by it so we've left, just friends in contact now.

2) Crushdude has left the country for seven weeks abroad. It's awful. I really miss him. I see a map and I automatically scan to the country where he is and get sad about how far away he is. I feel like his mother, worrying about him. Very annoyed and angsty and upset about it all but seven weeks will hopefully be enough time to push him out of my mind. Difficult.

3) Started texting Scruffman a few days ago and we've been getting along really well like we always have. Talked about getting together on Thursday to do the dirty. I felt bad about the trust thing with my parents and they REALLY wouldn't be happy with his age. So we've toned it down to just lunch which I'm much happier with. But I still feel guilty about my fucking parents and they really won't want me to see him, I know it. My mother will get all bitchy and cold on me about it and ignore me for a few days until she gets her way as usual. My dad just won't be happy with it. And they won't trust me enough to believe that it'll just be lunch, which it will be. So I'm really messed up about that and don't know how to approach them or tell them about it, cos I do want to see him again and we're good friends now.

Tweet Tweet

Wahey, I've gone and got myself a Twitter account called TheHomoflexible - you can search for it via my email as well - etcetera1@hotmail.co.uk. So if any of you have Twitter accounts and fancy some more bitesize chunks of my posts and maybe some juicy extras that I haven't quite figured out yet then go ahead and follow me! And if anyone can suggest some good relevant pages that I might like, that'd be much appreciated. Cheers fellas, have a great weekend!x

It's Just A Number...?

Yo baby what up? You lucky buggers, two posts in one day?! I AM being generous ;)
Nah this is a bit of a cop-out really, you've done all the work for me; it's my analysis of the poll results! Wahey!

0-5 years	9 (6%)
6-10 years	25 (17%)
11-15 years	30 (21%)
16-20 years	33 (23%)
21-25 years	12 (8%)
26-30 years	8 (5%)
30+	23 (16%)

 So then, crap I don't even know where to start on this one hah. Most popular choice being the 16-20 years difference which is a bit more years than I was expecting actually, so maybe the gay community is a bit more lenient with age difference than my heterosexual social world, I dunno. Supported by the 16% of you who would go for someone 30 years difference to you. I totally would as well really, let's be honest, Sean Connery, he'd still totally be getting a piece of me if he wanted it.
So yeah! That's all I can really think of to say on this one if I'm honest. God, I don't think I've ever been this talkative and yet had absolutely nothing to say. Maybe this poll might be used in some mega-important study for something, I've no idea. I'd suggest going back a few months into my archives for something more juicy...wasn't that a dirty little line?! Right guys I gotta go because I have an exam tomorrow (ARH) so I need to prep for that and get some much needed beauty sleep. Talk to y'all soon!x

Don't Be Shy...No, Seriously, Don't Be!

Okay so I have to admit, this whore post was generated by an Anonymous comment on my previous post (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!), but I have an email address:
etcetera1@hotmail.co.uk
Send me an email or something if you want to get chatting about anything or everything, I really don't mind, I love talking to new people and I'd love to hear from any of you all!
So seriously, don't be shy, hit me up anytime!
Oh and if you're feeling REALLY generous, you could maybe vote for me on BestMaleBlogs? I've never been out to conquer the blogging world or anything like that but it's nice to know there's new people reading the blog every so often so a casted vote would be much appreciated. Cheers fellas and hope you're all having a top weekend!x

An Oppurtunity Arises

Said oppurtunity being me away from the home county for 3 weeks, with a couple of other hundred people my age working on a project. Seems to ME like the perfect oppurtunity for a bit of summer lovin', IF I find someone who's up for it. And if I have the balls to throw myself into this situation as...well I don't even know. Gay? No because I don't want to deter any possible female action because I AM still interested in that. Bi? People don't seem to LIKE bi people "Oh it's greedy, they're confused nutjobs, they don't know what they want" blah blah blah, so I cba handling with that. Straight? It's what people might assume anyway, so no point saying that haha. I'm thinking of just throwing a line like "Mmm, he's quite hot" into a conversation and if people start asking questions I'll just say something like "Well I'm open-minded, let's put it that way, I don't want to get labelled". Good plan? What do you guys think? Hope you're all having a great week and I'll speak to you in a couple of days, bye! x

Awkward Window Cleaner

Disappointing lack of "Gay Window Cleaner" porn on Google Images!

Hey there!
So we've all experienced this haven't we? You're in the comfort of your own home, bouncing around, doing something probably embarassing and degrading, when someone arsehole looks through your window.
And there's this awful awkward moment where you just look at each other and you've frozen still staring at this person, and they're still staring in. And then all at once, they look away embarassed and you look away embarassed and it's like something has passed between the two of you. It's usually at this point I give them a quick wave and then run away and hide in a room with no windows until they leave. Luckily, this time, I heard this guy pull up, because last time, he popped up at the bathroom window just as I stepped out of the shower. Yeah, he got an eyeful ;)
Sorry for this rather mundane post but nothing much has occured so I thought I'd enquire, have any of you guys experienced a situation similar to this and then its led to foolin' around? It sounds like a seriously hot scenario to me but the guy who cleans my windows isn't hot. In the slightest. The gardener however...
See you around dudes, have a good weekend!

Progression In A Different Direction?

OK, so you guys may or may not remember me talking about this girl who had the hots for me before Christmas, and I wasn't THAT interested in a relationship with any girl, besides her.
Now, I'm done with exams and college and my summer has officially begun (HAPPY SUMMER SOLSTICE BTW CHAPS), so now I'm looking for something to keep me occupied, and I'm pretty sure this chick still fancies me. Problem is, I'm not sure, and earlier this year, I ingratiated myself into her group of friends a bit too well so I got to found out all about her sex life which hasn't put me off HER, but made me nervous about myself lol! She's been with a guy who messed her about and he had a massive cock that hurt apparently, and the other guy she was with made her squirt. Yeah. So it's not the most welcoming situation to an averagely endowned virgin to tackle! Thinking about it though, i'm definitley shifting down the path of trying out females I think, out of sheer boredom if nothing else, but something else is calling me that way as well. Any thoughts? Have a good weekend lads, much love!

Something Forgotten

This harks back to my Fucking Weirdos and Fag Hags post a few days ago, but I completley forgot a whole saga of my female love life! Freudian repression?

This girl would have been number 5, and it was only about a year and a half ago, in Year 12, or first year of college.
So I've been at college for a couple of weeks or so, and I see this girl heading into the class opposite mine, and I think she's beautiful. Like really really gorgeous. Sexy and cute all at the same time. So I talk to her at some point for the first time, and I think one of my opening lines was something like "You look a bit like Grace from Will & Grace".
Now, in hindsight, that PROBABLY wasn't the best line ever seeing as Will & Grace is about as gay as you can get, but it was true and it just came out, like these things do. She laughed about it so I'd got away with it. Besides, Grace from W&G IS good-looking.
So we spend more time together and whatever, and she's a bit flirty and I'm a bit less flirty. This was before I developed any sense of balls or bravado when it comes to sex, I'd literally done nothing, so I was still a timid thing. Not sexy I realise. All my mates are saying "You need to tell her you like her man, cos she's WELL into you." So we hang out more, and I take her to a museum she really wanted to go to and we have a dead good time, and I'm thinking that this could maybe go somewhere; she's really attractive and I can actually hold a conversation with her which is equally sexy for me, unlike girl number 4.
But then after that, she starts to go cold on me. Doesn't respond to text or MSN messages etc. I start to get a bit pissed off and ask her why. I actually don't quite remember why we stopped liking each other. I think it was she got tired of waiting for me to make a move, and I was too stubborn in my timidness to accept it would have to be to make the move in the first place.
Turns out I had quite a lucky escape really. At her previous school, she was renowned for her sluttiness and she'd been around the block a fair few times so I wouldn't have been special to her. Actually that was one of the reasons why I got annoyed with her.
So yeah, that kinda put me off women, and I've been thinking about it a fair bit, and I think that at 18, most girls have had some form of sexual contact with another guy, so they know what they like etc. I haven't been with a girl, so in my mind, I guess I feel like I'll be intrinsically appalling at it, and won't be able to pleasure them, especially with all the hype around female orgasm and whatever, it seemed to my lazy mind too much of a stumbling block to even bother attempting. Whereas guys, they're a lot easier in my experience haha. I don't know though, what do you guys think?
Have a good weekend fellas, have fun!

Comment Catch-Up + Situation Review

I got some comments recently and it's a silly system on Blogger so you won't know I've replied on the post unless you check again, so I thought I'd get the majority of them replied to in a succint post (don't quote me on that "succinct" bit)
Right then, first things first, on my I AM CLEAN post, thanks for the congratulations I recieved. Peace Bro, yes I have had my hep shots, thanks for your-so called OT input haha. And yes, Mr Anon, I WILL be engaging in strictly safe sex now unless it's with a signifcant other whom I devoutly trust.
My Celibacy post, my God Mr Anon, you sure know how to paint a picture in a guy's mind. Hot description. Pained to say I haven't tried your languorous technique yet, but I'll return with a review after the weekend probably! Peace Bro, I DID check jackinworld but still haven't tried any techniques on there out but I'll be sure to, nice find there man!
Out Of Place experience post, yeah I agree with you Peace Bro in that gay bars are less relevant now, everything's more intermingled so I totally get where you're coming from. Rex, I don't know why but I'd feel a bit vulnerable going to a gay support group or something like that, I don't know why, but I'd just feel out of place there too probably. But I'll give it some consideration when I've moved away.
Peace Bro, I can relate to you in some ways on the faghag post, especially on the subconscious thing with gay guys and women. I pretty much know there's no agenda or other side to me when I talk to most females so maybe they sense that I'm not after their snatch like you said? Also, come on man, you've got to scare em sometimes, keep the readership on their toes ;) besides, l**** (happy now?) is a medical term, doctors use it, why shouldn't I haha. Thanks for your support as well dude, it's very much appreciated to have such a vocal reader. :)

Now, I thought that we haven't talked about Crushdude for a while have we?! So let's talk about him. Basically, I realised that ever since I broke up from college, I'd found a way to talk to him somehow, via some medium, every single day for about 2 weeks. So I stopped myself the day before yesterday and I've not spoken to him since. I guess I'm testing our friendship a little bit, see who cracks first and talks to the other. I have to say also, that ever since I told him about my open sexual nature, he's certainley become less touchy-feely, no more grabbing my hand to make me feel his balls or anything like that. It's gone very much in the direction of a bromance, big man hugs, that kind of thing. However, we haven't seen much of each due to exams and whatever, so if we'd spend more time together, maybe he would revert back to that behaviour, but who knows? Anyway, at the moment, I'm surviving without him, I think I got most of my pent-up emotion a few nights ago on that now EXTREMLEY embarassing post when I cried my eyes out (And yes Peace, I did know it was written for Toy Story, Randy Newman's music for all three movies is fantastic).
At the moment, I'm just focusing on myself and my future, and taking each day as it comes, enjoying it for what it's worth. I think that's a good plan. Stay well dudes! x

I Attract Fucking Weirdos And Fag Hags

WOW, what an eloquent title you have employed there!
Well I'm sorry, but it 's true. I think part of the reason I'm 90% gay is because I've had such shitty luck with women.  Let's take a trip down memory and recall of the women who have been in my life.

1) Number one is a girl I knew in primary school. The school was a street or two away from my grandparents and she lived on the same street as them, so I saw her quite a lot, and we became friends quite naturally.
Now the next point is what I mean about being shoved in the direction of gay; I was really really into her, she was my sweetheart, my first love, all that kind of bull, and I was always dragging her into bushes (quite literally) to get a quick kiss off her. Sometimes she reciprocated, other times I was spurned. This on-off relationship did little at school to prevent the other boys from bullying me, names like "fag" or "puff" were common, because, surprisingly I spent a lot of my time with this girl, who spent her time with the other girls, so I ingratiated myself quite quickly into their group when the lads had turned against me. In hindsight, this seems like a very logical solution to a 7 year old; the person you love is one group who you get along with, and the people who you SHOULD mingle with call you names and make you upset. What would you choose? Anyway, I think at one point we fell out over something, after being "together" for something like three years, we broke off and were just friends after that. I was now the official girlyboy at my school.

2) Number two is another girl at my primary school. This was in Year 5 I think. This relationship I think was a little more forced than my previous one. I was being bullied more than before and it was putting a real bad strain on me. I felt like I needed to provide some verification to the other males that I wasn't gay, so I chose the easiest female, who happened to fancy me. We went out for a while, and I got quite into it, buying her a shitload of Valentine's day presents. She got me nothing. The day later, she dumped me, via her friends, who then asked whether she could keep the presents.
Yes you can keep the presents, you heartless bitch, along the pieces of my shredded heart!
No but seriously,  I was pissed when she did that! So that was another bad experience of females.

3) In Year 7/8, I was really besotted with this girl that I knew from an outer-curriculer group. I thought she fancied me and I really fancied her, but being a shy little bitch with no idea of how to flirt with women (and STILL no idea. Seriously, I wouldn't think a woman was attracted to me even if she was grinding  her labia on my dick), I decided to ask the opinion of her friends.
Bad idea. They would say one thing, the next time say another. They told her that I fancied her, and she replied "No way would I go out with him!", they told me later. Ouch. So once again spurned but still besotted. So I moved onto her EXTREMLEY dumb friend who was...

4) Number 4. My God, I guess this would be the relationship in a regular teenage male's world that he would explore sexually.
Nah. Nada. Zilch, zippo, nope, nein, not here. We were together for over 18 months when we were both 14/15, and we only ever kissed. And I don't even mean making out. We only did that when we were both drunk, and even then, I got feedback later on that she said I was sloppy. Gee, thanks.
The blame of the celibacy in this relationship was on both sides; I was paralysed by fear and anxiety (WILL I DO IT RIGHT, HOW THE FUCK DO I DO IT, WHAT WILL SHE THINK OF MY BODY, WILL SHE LAUGH, OH MY GOD SHE'LL LAUGH, FUCK IS MY COCK BIG ENOUGH, HOW DO I DO IT AAAAH!) and I think she was vice versa, or just frigid.
I broke it off with her after 18 months or something similar. She was really into me, and we got back together on her 16th birthday for another year, in which we progressed no further apart from me being an inch away from fingering her and she rebuking me telling me "Later.". Right then love, sure I'll wait, I've plucked up the courage to try something and you knock me back, but that's cool. HAH. No chance honey. Split up with before I turned 17, and have been single from females ever since.

So basically I've never had a sexual experience with a woman. Which is sad, because it's not that I don't want to. I don't know why I distinguish my thoughts like this, but having sex with guys I'm not bothered about, I barely have any inhibitions; sure, I have discomforts, but it doesn't prevent me from going through with the nasty.
Whereas with females, I just know that if a really good looking woman came up to me and starting hitting on me, I wouldn't have the faintest idea where to start, or how to go about showing her a good time. Hopefully I'd be a natural at hetero sex as I was with homo sex (according to RelationshipGuy anyway. Don't get too excited fellas ;) ).

But the likelihood of that occuring is very slim now, considering 99% people who first meet me think I'm gay. And the majority of females who meet me for the first time instantly gravitate towards me because they think I'll be their closeted gay best friend. WRONG. Fuck off honey.
I'm sorry, but I find that term so demeaning it is UNTRUE. You're basically saying you're friends with me because of my sexuality. Newsflash - human being with personality and feelings first, sexuality somewhere below that rank. Jesus Christ. They annoy me to fuck, I want to slap them.

All this coupled with latent gay feelings and numerous events regarding that which I have already elaborated on, have created the person before thee. What a wonderful thing Life is!
Have a good rest of your week folks, much love and keep your pecker up!

Good Morning Wood

I don't know what it is, or how it works, but it's brilliant. Here's what Wikipedia has to say on the subject:


Nocturnal penile tumescence (also known as "morning wood" or "morning glory") is the spontaneous occurrence of an erection of the penis during sleep. All men without physiological erectile dysfunction experience this phenomenon, usually three to five times during the night.


 

Three to five times a night? Pretty sure I'm hard from the moment I fall asleep to when I wake up, my morning wood is that desperate! I'm quite lucky never to have had a situation like the guy above, been caught with an awkward boner, I've always hidden them very well from mates and family and whoever. Anyone had any particulary juicy incidents with their morning wood? Lemme hear it!

Out Of Place Experience

I forgot to say that when I went out with friends for my 18th, that we passed through an area of town that has a couple of gay bars, and being a Saturday, it was mega lively.
Didn't see any action going on, but it felt like a lively atmosphere.
Now I don't know where it was because I was nervous going through there and it was the first time I'd been there but, I just had this feeling that I wouldn't fit in there at all. I can't really explain, but I was looking around at all the people, and the vast majority of people looked like camp little twinks that I have no interest in spending any time with. I'd much rather go to a bar or pub with some older gay guys and have a good conversation and then maybe go out raving afterwards.
Course, I've not experienced properly yet, so I don't know how different is to the straight club scene. Are guys a lot more confident than on the regular scene in coming up to you and hitting on you or what? But the first experience I had of the place wasn't negative, but it wasn't positive either. I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't go back, which is a shame really, considering how much I was looking forward to going out and trying the gay scene.
Another problem is that I don't have anyone to go out with. I'm only open to 2 friends, Crushdude (who i don't think i could persuade to go) and my girl best friend (who ratted on me to my parents, and who's already expressed resistance to going because she doesn't trust me enough to keep my prick in my pants apparently, and she wouldn't want to be left alone. Gee thanks.)
And I can hardly go on my own. I'm just asking for weirdos to come after me then. So I think I'll have to wait a bit longer until I can find a group of friends to go out with in that scene.
Have a good rest of your weekend fellas!

I AM CLEAN

Yep. You heard it here first. I am officially clean! No STI's/STD's or HIV to be seen anywhere. CLEAN AS A WHISTLE AND MY DICK IS NOW AS SHARP AS A THISTLE FROM LACK OF SEX. I'm counting down to when Relationshippy dude gets back, got some serious unfinished business with his ass. MUCH LOVE DUDES. Let's get fucked up this weekend, have a good 'un fellas!

A Moral Dilemma (x2)

So I've been texting RelationshippyDude a lot more recently, and, there's been some flirting going on on both sides.
Trouble is, he's got a boyfriend.
They've just past the six month mark, so it could develop into something more serious, so I'm cautious really.
But RD is handsome, funny and I get along with him really well. And he's a charmer ("The sex with you is mega hot!" he said. Cue my head inflating along with my dick and my ego.)
Other factor is that I'm off to uni in the autumn, so I'm not looking for anything long-term with him, although I could see it working between us. He's a babe, but I don't love him. The sex is good and he's a great guy to hang around with. I guess in some ways that's kinda selfish of me.
But, that still doesn't resolve the situation of his boyfriend. So i say to him,
"God what are we going to do?"
He says - "I need to see you! You need to fuck my brains out"

Cue massive erection. But it doesn't help matters. He says that he doesn't want to leave his boyfriend but he also doesn't want to lead ME on because he really likes me.

So, the likelihood is that I'll see him and we'll hook up. EXCITED. I do feel bad when I think about his boyfriend; I wouldn't like to be cuckolded but thankfully, I'm not in his position. If I was, I'd be a mad cunt. So I'm shaky on that front.

But the other moral dilemma is; how much do I tell my parents? I'm supposed to be honest to them about what happens now, so if I do start meeting him again, what do I do?
They didn't approve his age when I told them during that infamous conversation we had together, so I think i'm going to have to lie about that. I mean it's my sex life. But I'll have to tell them it's him I'm going to see I think, so they know where i am and stuff, that's what was got them worried last time.
But he's away on business for a couple of weeks, and I have exams to concentrate on so I won't have to worry about it until then. Any thoughts dudes? x

Under Control

I went to sleep after that...well, depressive little post, still crying a bit.
Not quite sure what brought it to be honest.
First I was singing along to Avenue Q songs and then it got to "There's a Fine, Fine Line". Utterly beautiful and you wouldn't expect it in such a hilarious musical. First link is to the cast recording but I don't think her performance on it is that great so I sung along to this brilliant guy playing instead.

And while I was singing along, I was thinking about Crushdude and getting more and more emotional about it. And then, fucking hell "When She Loved Me" popped up in the sidebar, and I haven't heard it for years, so started singing along with that, and halfway through, I just broke down. Completley. I haven't cried like that for years. My parents were in bed so I was trying to be quiet but if I was alone, I'd have been like a banshee. It was cathartic, odd, enlightening and confusing all at the same time.
So that's my half-explanation of the probably hilarious-to-everyone-but-me post underneath.
Sad? Probably. But I'm in love with this guy. And god, I don't even know what's going to happen.
Hope you all had a top weekend boys, much love x

Sometimes

Sometimes I turn around and catch the smell of you and I cannot go on, I cannot fucking go on without expressing this terrible so fucking awful physical aching fucking longing I have for you. (Sarah Kane)

Spent the last hour sobbing.
To lovers. Lost, forgotten, nevermore, non-existant, distant. To lovers.